Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Last Friday I took Alyssa over to Adam's parents to have lunch with his mom, grandma, and uncle. I realized that I hadn't offered to bring anything over on Christmas Day, so I asked if there was anything that I could bring. Here's our conversation . . .
Me: Is there anything I can bring on Sunday? I should have offered sooner, but it kind of snuck up on me.
Mil: *scoffs* Christi, when are you seriously going to have time to make something with your parents coming tomorrow and you going over to your cousins'?
Me: Well, I'm making chex mix and a cheese ball to take to Mark and Janna's, maybe I'll just bring leftovers over and I do have tons of cookies and stuff to bring.
Grandma: Oh, I haven't had a cheeseball in forever, that sounds really good.
Mil: I made chex mix so don't bring that.
So, Sunday morning I get up and reform and re-crumb my cheeseball so that it looks brand new (not much of it was eaten on Saturday) and put together a plate of a majority of the cookies and treats that I had made. I took over crackers to have with the cheeseball and everything.
After we opened presents everyone was complaining about being hungry, but we kept being told we would eat in an hour to an hour and a half. Fil, Alyssa, and I were in the kitchen and I mentioned to him that I brought a cheeseball. He got really excited and said that he loved cheeseballs, so I got it out of the fridge for him, but then he said he should wait. (Fearing the wrath of mil, no doubt, for eating something that she didn't pre-approve). I thought if she wouldn't let me make anything for the meal, maybe I could at least bring something that people could snack on. And I never did see this chex mix that SUPPOSEDLY she had already made. So, I felt kind of sad that no one was going to eat my cheeseball, but I figured that maybe she forgot about it because of all the other things she had on her mind. But I certainly didn't want to bring it up because I'm kind of scared of my mil.
Then comes time for dessert and she serves her pumpkin pie and her pecan pie, but my cookies just sit on the counter sealed and unopened.
I seriously wanted to cry the entire way home. I felt like such a loser and a failure. I was making an effort to be part of the family. You don't make guests bring food, but family SHOULD bring something. If I go to my parents for a holiday I take something (or usually make something there). We went through this whole "I want us to be closer and really feel like family" thing and then I just feel like I was slapped in the face because she just ignored my effort. I wouldn't have cared if no one ate anything, at least I would have been given a chance. I guess Chris did eat one of my cookies as soon as we got there. I didn't plan on leaving the entire plate there. I actually had some cookies that I made that I didn't get to try because I took them all over to their house. But I didn't feel like I could just walk out with an untouched plate of cookies either.
And I left the cheeseball there because I took it primarily because Grandma said it sounded really good and then fil got excited about it. I hope they at least noticed that it was there.
I know its dumb. I shouldn't feel so bad about something so trivial, but its really eating at me.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
I called my parents tonight and as I was dialing Adam asked if I was ordering pizza. So, I decided to be silly and as soon as my Dad answered I said, "Yes, I'd like to place an order for delivery". He replied, "Okay, go ahead" and I placed my order for Chicken Tetrazini (sp?) (one of my favorite things my mom makes).
Smooth as can be my dad repeats back "One Chicken Annabimi".
Oh I love him even if he can't pronouse tetrazini (which I can't spell for the life of me, so maybe that makes us even)
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Adam and I are sooooooooo bad about opening gifts from each other before a set holiday. By the time Christmas, our birthdays, Valentine's day, our anniversary, ect arrive we've already opened, used and/or broken our gifts to each other. This year is no exception. Tonight I opened the best present ~ a pair of soft, comfty, purple flip flop slippers. I had told him how I saw some at Old Navy that I loved, but they were in the kids section and I was seriously pondering seeing if I could fit into a child's size slipper. I love wearing slippers around the house, but then the top of my feet get so hot that I have to kick them off every once in awhile. So, now life is complete; I have a pair of slipper that I can wear all day every day. Until my daughter decided to PEE on my new slippers as she was getting into the bathtub tonight. Now I have soft, comfty, purple, WET flip flop slippers. But I still love them; I just have to wait for them to dry.
The second quote got me thinking about Alyssa. How I do have a little bit of sweetness in each day ~ in the shape of my beautiful baby girl. Even though there are times that I don't feel like I'm doing a great job as a mom, I am so thankful each and every day that I get to be her mom. Its an absolute honor.
The first quote hit home with some thoughts I have been having lately about Christmas. My mom sent me this in an e-mail this week and it really got me thinking:
"A new verision of the Night before Christmas"
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the town
Not a sign of Baby Jesus
was anywhere to be found.
The people were all busy
with Christmas time chores
Like decorating, and baking,
and shopping in stores.
No one sang "Away in a manger,
no crib for a bed".
Instead, they sang of Santa
dressed-up in bright red.
Mama watched Martha Stewart,
Papa drank beer from a tap.
As hour upon hour
the presents they'd wrap
When what from the T.V.
did they suddenly hear?
'Cept an ad.. which told
of a big sale at Sears.
So away to the mall
they all flew like a flash...
Buying things on credit...
and others with cash!
And, as they made their way home
>From their trip to the mall,
Did they think about Jesus?
Oh, no... not at all.
Their lives were so busy
with their Christmas time things
No time to remember
Christ Jesus, the King.
There were presents to wrap
and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember
who died for their sake?
To pray to the Savior...
they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time
to "Shop til they dropped!"
On Wal-mart! On K-mart!
On Target! On Penney's!
On Hallmark! On Zales!
A quick lunch at Denny's
>From the big stores downtown
to the stores at the mall
They would dash away, dash away,
and visit them all!
And up on the roof,
there arose such a clatter
As grandpa hung icicle lights
up on his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash.
He hung lights that would twirl.
Yet, he never once prayed to Jesus...
Light of the World.
Christ's eyes... how they twinkle!
Christ's Spirit... how merry!
Christ's love... how enormous!
All our burdens... He'll carry!
So instead of being busy,
overworked, and uptight
Let's put Christ back in
Christmas and enjoy
some good nights!
I worry about how I'm going to explain the true meaning of Christmas to Alyssa. How in this day and age where I get so stressed out about finding the perfect gifts and baking the perfect cookies and scheduling where we are going to be when and who we'll see, how am I going to explain to her that none of that really matters? Its a day to celebrate this amazingly important birthday. A day to celebrate family. To me the gift giving is a way to show our friends and family how much we love them and appreciate them and to make them feel special. The whole season gets so busy and stressful and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, yet, everyone I know I gets stressed about it. My mom stresses about making sure that she spends the same amount of money on each child and grandchild. That everyone has the same number of gifts to open. That she gets things that everyone will want and need. So much of the joy of gift giving is overshadowed by the feeling of dread of going to the mall AGAIN to find a parking spot AGAIN and to stand in the checkout line AGAIN.
My mom and I were talking about going to church last week and even that is a huge deal. The reason for the whole day in a way turns into a big stesser. Planning what time we're going to go based on what time we're supposed to be at Mark and Janna's for Christmas. Planning who we're going with. What church we're going to. It all just builds and builds.
So when I think about it from this stand point it seems like the most horrible time of year. People are cranky and moody and stressed and losing sleep worrying about finding the perfect toy for their child or how they are going to pay their credit card bill come January or if they got their Christmas cards mailed early enough.
Its supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year and its still my favorite time of year. When I think back on holidays past I don't remember the stress and the arguing and the lines and the money spent. I remember spending time with family, playing games, eating until you think your pants are going to bust open, standing between my mom and dad, holding a candle, and singing "Silent Night" at the 11 PM church service. The wonder and magic of the day. I hope that I can pass that on to Alyssa. That she can understand the true joy of the day and not get caught up in all the commercialism and stress.
That, my baby girl, is my wish for you today and always. Its all about the love and the magic. :)
Monday, December 19, 2005
I've been up since about 12:30 ~ just wasn't tired. Alyssa woke up a little before 1. I tried rocking her for a bit and putting her down several times, but she would play for about 10 minutes and then start crying/fussing again. And she's all stuffy and hoarse from her cold, so she sounds just miserable when she "tries" to cry, so I just can't let her go on very long. But then I started thinking, "here I am, awake and not tired and I'm playing on the computer and reading, why should she HAVE to go to sleep just because I say so if she's not tired?". So, thus we're both up and going. I would have a totally different opinion if I was tired and wanting to sleep and she was awake, though, I'm sure.
But I kind of hope she decides to crash soon. I'm still not tired, but the idea of my nice warm bed sounds awfully nice.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Most significant days in my life:
May 3rd, 2002 ~ My Grandpa Nelsen passed away
December 28th, 2002 ~ I married Adam
February 15th, 2003 ~ Julia asked me to be her Matron of Honor (I was hoping that I might get to be part of the wedding party, but was trying not to get my hopes up )
March 22, 2004 ~ I saw Bare Naked Ladies live with Julia; hopefully the first of many times!
October 12th, 2004 ~ My destiny arrived at 4:52 PM and we named her Alyssa Marie
When I was in college I was in a sorority, which many of you know . . . but many of you don’t know that my Sophomore year I was VP of that sorority and Junior year I was President. I hated that group and drove it into the ground, killed it good, then ran away. Mwahahahahaha. I really didn’t mean to kill it off, it just happened that it was really hurting when I became president and I didn’t have what it took to “save” it.
My first car was a 1980 Buick Century that belonged to my Grandma Carlson. We called it my 4 door French Fry because it was a lovely golden yellow/mustard color. I hated that car ~ it would just randomly stop running whenever it got tired, so I was scared to death of it. My next car was a 1990 Dodge Aries K car. Most memorable thing about that car was the “strawberry air-conditioner” that Sarah O was in love with. I traded that car in for a 1998 Pontiac Grand Am my sophomore year of college. Ahhh, Muffy, you were a good car and I miss you! In May of this year I became the proud co-owner of, Gwen, a 2005 Ford Escape that is my first “brand new” car.
Continents I would like to visit in order of preference:
2. Europe (okay, I’ve already been there, but I would love to go to Rome, Paris, and London)
3. Antarctica (as long as I could be warm and have a good tour guide!)
6. South America
If I could be on any reality show it would be “The Biggest Loser”. If I were younger and thinner, I think it would be fun to be on “The Real World”.
5 Places in the US that I want to visit:
- Las Vegas
- Raleigh, NC
- Magic Mountain Vacation Resorts in TN
- New York City
- Mount Rushmore
My 4 Greatest Fears:
1. Free falling
2. Snakes/Spiders/Creepy Crawly things in general
3. Losing members of my immediate family
4. Never getting close to my goal weight
My favorite color is blue.
When I was little I wanted to be a babysitter, a taxi driver (where I got this from when I grew up in town without taxis I don’t know, but I remember telling my mom that’s what I wanted to be when I grew up), or a teacher.
3 Greatest Regrets in my life:
1. Not completing my education degree and switching to business instead.
2. The way I handled the Sarah/Adam situation.
3. Bailing on Jen and Jason’s wedding and letting Jen’s friendship drift away.
If someone were to ask me what the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life . . .
Driving to Colorado with a guy that I had only known 3 weeks (he was a friend, not as in a boyfriend type guy) and back in about 20 hours in college. We drove to Woodland Park after rehearsal one night, had breakfast with my brother, sister-in-law, and niece, and drove back in time for rehearsal that night. Should have been a 9-10 hour drive both ways.
I have “owned” 4 dogs in my life:
1. Buscuit . . . my first dog, he was a “Heinz 57” and just absolutely crazy
2. Freckles ~ my first Pomeranian. The love of my life for 10 years.
3. Lexi ~ really Adam’s golden retriever, but I claim her as mine . . . sometimes.
4. Jocelyn Pooh Bear aka Joey ~ my second Pomeranian. My little bundle of loves and fuzz therapy.
I have also been the proud mother to several fish and gerbils. I had a beta fish during college named Xavier that would rock out to the Beach Boys “Barbara Ann” whenever I played it.If/when I ever get a tattoo it would be on my lower back in the shape of a very small butterfly. The butterfly story is a story for another day.
I went skinny dipping in hot springs in Lake Tahoe a few years ago with Adam, Amber, and Randy and a few other strangers. I never thought I would be one to get nekkid in front of anyone but Adam, but it was one of the most fun and sensual experiences of my life. I would do it again in a heartbeat ~ and would encourage anyone else to try it!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
And she's off! Mission: Empty out the drugs onto the floor completed ~ gotta find something else to get into . . . with gas drops in one hand and tylenol in the other she toddles out of the room.
Goodness I love this kid!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Okay, maybe a LOT of baking. I think we made at least a dozen different kinds of cookies, bars, and candy. We all had a great time being silly and just hanging out and baking. But I'm kind of sad that I didn't do sugar cookies this year. They are so much work, but it makes me feel like Christmas isn't quite complete without a frosted sugar cookie with sprinkles all over it. I still have 10 days left, though!
Then Monday I made Adam some of his coveted buckeyes.
Today I'm in the process of making banana bread.
Thankfully most of the stuff is going straight into the freezer and then we're giving it away at Christmas.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
I think I need a cigarette and a nap . . . it was THAT good.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
First of all I was dreaming that Alyssa was standing at the top of our steps, fell, and started tumbling end over end so I woke Adam and I both up as I jolted and gasped loudly. Its been a fear of mine lately as she's gotten VERY brave when standing at the top of the steps that she'll decide she's big enough to tackle the steps in the "grown up" way and she'll fall.
Second of all I was rudely awoken when Adam punched me in the shoulder. He was dreaming that he was beating up his little brother, so I got to "stand in" for Chris. Great! Although I have to say I would rather be woken up by Adam hitting me than by him starting to scream/yell in his sleep. There's something less scare about being punched than all of the sudden having someone scream in your ear.
Can't we all just get along and have a peaceful night's sleep?! Maybe tonight . . . stay tuned.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Exhibit A: Tonight a friend of mine from college called that I hadn't talked to in months. I actually had a hard time deciding whether to continue watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Addition" or talk to her. What is wrong with me?!
Exhibit B: Alyssa has always had bad sleep habits because I would nurse/rock/hold her to sleep. I would start putting her to sleep around 8, but I didn't want her to wake up halfway through my show that was on from 8-9, so I would hold her until 9 so that she wouldn't wake up. Bad mommy!
Exhibit C: I will forgo a nap even though I'm cranky as a toddler just so I can watch "Ellen" in the afternoon. I'm too darn lazy to find a tape and program the VCR.
I think TiVo would solve a lot of my problems, so if anyone wants to drop hints to the inlaws on what would be the PERFECT gift for Adam and I (much better than that damn grill or the chest of doom) let me know and I'll pass on contact information. ;)
Speaking of Angie and food . . . memo to myself to never ever go food shopping with a pregnant friend again. She's craving (and buying) all this yummy sounding food and I'm just drooling. Actually, I think I gained about two inches on my hips just watching her put some of that stuff in the cart.
And one last comment about BNL ~ I've been spelling naked as nekkid too much. FYI, www.barenekkidladies.com does NOT take you to a BNL website. Thank goodness that isn't a real site because I kind of hate to think about what you would find on a site like that.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Saturday, November 26, 2005
What does your birth date mean?
|Your Birthdate: May 7|
You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.
And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.
Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.
You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!
Your strength: Your self sufficiency
Your weakness: You despise authority
Your power color: Maroon
Your power symbol: Hammer
Your power month: July
What is your French name
|Your French Name is:|
Funny, I picked Sophie as my name during my 4 years of French classes.
How is your inner child?
|Your Inner Child Is Scared|
Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.
You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!
New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.
Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.
What mixed drink are you?
|You Are a Mai Tai|
You aren't a big drinker, but you'll drink if the atmosphere is festive.
And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away.
"And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away". So true, so true . . . probably why I ended up handcuffed to Chris Leffler playing board games one night. ;)
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
I have a bad feeling about this. If there is something really wrong I don't know that I can handle it. We had the whole cancer scare with him a few months back. I've learned to deal with his Parkingsons, but I can't take much more happening to him.
I hope I'm just over-reacting. I wish I could call and talk to my sister about this, but she would just freak out ~ she's not a good support system in times like these. I wish I had Matt.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
I call this one "The one where Jeff teaches us how to play "Friends Trivia".
| Question mark |
You scored 53% Sociability and 17% Sophistication!
You are the soul of the inquiring mind--you are the glory of the
scientist and the bane of the pseudo-scientist. But, more than that,
you, more than any other, can indicate changes in pitch in dialogue.
What other punctuation mark can do that? Yes, you are one of the
"common herd." So? The problem with that is . . . ? You get along well
with others, because they all respect you. You have no natural enemies.
|My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
|Link: The Which Punctuation Mark Are You Test written by Gazda on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test|
Saturday, November 12, 2005
And I'm excited to see Christy's tummy. I got my "second trimester baby belly" fix last night when Eric and Angie were over so tonight I get my "third trimester baby belly" fix! Too bad I don't know anyone (that I know of) that has a "first trimester baby belly". Although I did have a dream that Kristin was pregnant and she and Chris had gotten engaged but we're going to tell the fam until Thanksgiving and then I ran into her at the bookstore and she had a big 'ol rock on her hand. (but not as big as mine ~ mwhahahahahaha!)
Friday, November 11, 2005
I went to the video store on Wednesday and picked up "Crash" (because I heart hottie Brendan!), "Fever Pitch", and the first disc of the first season of "Lost". Adam actually wanted to see all 3. I was so excited as we watched the first episode of "Lost" thinking that it would become a "couple" thing for us, much like our "24" addiction. I was super disappointed to come home from Jazzercise yesterday to find out that he had continued without me. Now its turned from "us" time into a "who can watch the episodes the fastest" competition. That makes me sad. (And I feel dumb telling him, so he'll find out by reading my blog)
And the thing I feel the most sick about is my pampered chef party next weekend. I invited a friend/ex-girlfriend of Adam's. They were living together when Adam and I met, but because I felt really uncomfortable, he basically dropped her out of his life after we got married. It was a really hard situation for me because I had really close friends that would point out to me how important Adam was to her, how much she cared about him, the fact that she was his first love and it made me feel really threatened. Not that I was really afraid of losing him, just that I felt like by her having these feelings she didn't respect my relationship with him. I feel really uncomfortable about Adam going out with a girl, any girl, for a meal, etc. I feel uncomfortable being one on one with a guy. Even my "muffin men" who are totally like brothers to me . . . I always feel a little bit weird when I'm around them now that I'm an old married woman. I know, it sounds crazy, but its just how I feel. I know it was selfish and immature of me and I wish I could take it all back. I wish that we could all be friends, but I know that that will probably never happen. So, I invited her to my pampered chef party. I told Adam in a joking manner that I was going to invite her to boost my numbers, but it was actually my way of trying to reach out to her. I thought it would be a neutral thing ~ who doesn't like a pampered chef party? ~ a way for me to make the first step. It was hard for me because I'm really embarrassed and ashamed of how I acted. I'm still not crazy about the idea of them being alone together, and I wish it would be the kind of situation where we could all hang out together, eat pizza, and play games or something, but I doubt it will ever come to that. Adam told me that she was really confused as to why she was invited and now I've been stressing over inviting her. I don't regret inviting her, but I don't want her to feel like I did it just because I wanted her to come and buy things. It was in a sense my "white flag". I thought it might be an easy way to start over, but then Adam pointed out that my "neutral" get together was going to be filled with MY friends and MY family and why would she feel comfortable in that situation. I didn't think about that. I just didn't know how else to work towards "fixing" things. I want to fix things. I regret making Adam feel like he had to choose me or her. I wish I could go back . . .
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Alyssa update ~ she's on the mend! She was sporting a fever of between 100 and 103 all day yesterday, but this morning she was normal. I'm waiting for her to wake up from her nap (starting on hour 3 . . . ) so that I can check her again. I finally broke down and spend big money on an ear thermometer and I'm sooo glad I did. Not only is it fun to play with I don't have to physically restrain Alyssa to keep one under her arm for 5 minutes anymore. Okay, maybe it wasn't 5 minutes, but when you have a toddler that's trying to see what you're doing and doesn't want to keep her arm down, it feels like 5 minutes. And she's too old to have it taken the "UH OH" way ~ as witnessed by both Adam and I Sunday night. Poor thing was pretty much crawling around with a thermometer hanging out of her butt because I couldn't get her to lay still.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Stream of conscious thought . . . yes, jazzercise. I know, it sounds totally uncool, but it kicks my ass and I love it, so deal with it! Plus its free since I'm volunteering an hour of my time each week; you can't beat that. Side note, my mom graduated from high school with the founder of jazzercise. Its so funny to look at her picture and think that she's actually 61 years old. She doesn't look 61. Then again, I don't think my mom looks 61. And Ms. Jazzercise doesn't really look that much better than my mom.
Another thing I'm feeling guilty about. I want to go to my class tomorrow morning, but I feel bad leaving Alyssa all sick in the care of "strangers" in the childcare room so I broke down and called Adam's mom to see if she would watch Alyssa for me. I feel like such a bad mom for wanting to work out while my child is sick. Plus she's teething so she's running a bit of a fever and her mouth hurts.
All this guilt is making it impossible for me to sleep. But I should sleep while I can because I have a feeling its going to be a long night. One of my closest friends from college is in town this weekend and wants to get together tomorrow. I wish I could blow her off, but I totally blew her off last time she was in the state and since I don't get to see her very often . . . she'll have to deal with sleep deprived/guilt-ridden me. Now that I think about it, I think Lindz has seen me that way a lot.
So back to my sweet baby girl. She's all snarky and snotty and I wish I could wave a magic wand and clear out her nose. The sucker thing isn't working very well because she has really runny snot, so I keep making her snort saline drops in hopes that it will make her sneeze out some snot. (Okay, you non-moms can stop being grossed out, I'm done talking about my daughter's nose functions) I wish we had a guest room. I would curl up with my sweet little peanut all cozied up in her flannel footie pjs and sleep with her tonight. If I didn't have to move tomorrow I would sit up all night with her in the rocking chair and let her sleeping with her soft little warm head nuzzled against my neck. God I love that kid.
Oh yeah, my other baby is starting to get sick, too. I haven't felt the best all day and when I got home this afternoon Adam said that he was starting to get the sniffles. Please let this pass quickly.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
And again, how depressing. I think I need to go meet Staci at Jazzercise now.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
2 names you go by
2 things that scare you
1. Losing friends/family
2. Living my life without achieving some of my dreams
2 of your everyday essentials
2. Access to e-mail and internet
2 things you are wearing right now
1. Ill-gotten slippers
2. Victoria's Secret underwear
2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment)
1. Barenaked Ladies
2. Hawk Nelson
2 of your favorite songs (at the moment)
1. “1985” by Bowling for Soup
2. "Maybe Katie" by BNL
2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love)
1. My favorite TV station is the WB
2. I buy Alyssa toys more for me than for her
2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex)
2 of your favorite hobbies
2. Watching TV/movies
2 things you want really badly
1. To travel
2. To not have to worry about money
2 places you want to go on vacation
2 things you want to do before you die
1. Make sure the people I love know how much they mean to me.
2. See the world (at least the parts of it that I WANT to see)
2 ways that you are stereotypically a dude/chick
1. I know NOTHIN' 'bout cars
2. I love being a wife ~ cleaning, cooking, picking up after Adam
2 things you are thinking about now
1. I'm going to have grilled cheese and soup for lunch ~ wonder if anyone else in "the gang" is still going through this phase.
2. I hope Eric and Angie get to hear baby D's heartbeat today.
2 stores you shop at
1. Old Navy
2. The Children's Place
Am I the only one that finds this really weird and kind of creepy?!
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
One of the guys on the show found out that his uncle had passed away of a heart attack. He started talking about how he wanted people to understand that losing weight and being healthy isn't just for you, it’s for your family. Because its not fair to leave them behind before you've grown old and passed on all your are supposed to/want to pass on or live a life that can't be lived to fullest each day because of weight related problems.
That really got me to thinking. I once sat down and made a list of why I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to be healthy, but I didn't really think of that in terms of developing diabetes, heart disease, etc, I just wanted to be healthy weight so that I looked and felt good. I'm only 25 years old. Who worries about dying early when they are in their 20s? I wanted to have energy to keep up with my child(ren), I wanted Adam to find me attractive, and I wanted my family and friends to be proud of me and how I looked, and I wanted to be able to buy "fun" clothes. All pretty superficial reasons. Not that they aren't good reasons, but tonight I realized how important it is for me to get to a healthy weight and stay at a healthy weight.
I want to be married to Adam for 68 years like my grandparents were. I want to see Alyssa graduate from high school and college and get married and have children and be happy and successful. I want to live each day healthy and happy and full of self-respect and self esteem. I want to realize my full potential instead of just accepting things the way they are. I think I found my inspiration.
Anyway, Angie's mom was the pampered chef lady at this party and she made these really yummy calzones. Angie and I both thought they were awesome, so we stopped by the grocery store after the party to pick up stuff to make them for our boys for dinner Sunday night. Last night I was still in the "PC groove", so I made this lemon chicken puff thing-y. Very good, yet didn't taste much like lemon. I told Adam that I was going to make a PC recipe every day until my party so that he could see how much I really do NEED all these gadgets. Since we have leftovers from Sunday and Monday night I told him that I was going to make a dessert today. Good for the diet, right? :)
So just out of curiosity I was flipping through the dessert sections of my PC cookbooks and started drooling over all these recipes with pumpkin in them. I wanted pumpkin pie soooo bad, I was considering packing Alyssa up in the car to drive to Village Inn just to get a piece of pie. But then I realized that my mother, Saint Sandy, had given me pie last week after she had company and I had forgotten about it. There in my fridge, surrounded by a heavenly glow was one, delicious, wonderful, orgasmic piece of pumpkin pie. I topped it about 2 cups of fat free cool whip (I'm on diet you know) and savored each bite.
*insert cigarette here ~ it was THAT good*
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
One of the mom's on my October board was talking about getting a shopping cart and play food for her daughter. I thought that was a really cool idea, so yesterday Alyssa and I hit Toys R Us with a gift card from Uncle Ben hot in our hands. This mom had mentioned that most of the play food was all junk food, but they did find some fruits and veggies to buy for her daughter's shopping. Not so at our Toys R Us. They had NO fruits/veggies/healthy food to buy. They had the KFC kit, the McDonald's Kit, the dessert kit (ice cream, cake, pie, ect), but no good old fashioned fruits, veggies, soup cans, ect that I remember from "the good old days". The only thing they had that was even close was this frying pan that came with a hamburger, buns, and some tomatoes and lettuce you could put on the burger. Just not the same. So no wonder kids today want to live off fast food and scream and run if you put the smallest hint of a healthy food on their plates . . . its foreign to them! For all they know if they aren't eating fries and chicken nuggets they're going to DIE!
For anyone who cares we ended up buying a Cabbage Patch stroller (to go with the doll that Grandma K is holding hostage) and a set of keys that make fun noises when you push buttons. There's one button that makes all sorts of honking noises ~ makes me feel like I'm driving through New York City or something when I'm cruising down Dodge St at rush hour. Fun for Alyssa and Mommy!
I was up at about 5 this morning, so I got the great idea to do a search on the Little Tykes website for play food to see if they had more options on their website. Nope. So, then I hit ebay thinking that maybe people were selling some old school stuff. I got the name of a brand that looked like it had some good stuff, so I did a search for their products. Know where the only place you can buy it in town is? Home Depot. Now why didn't I think of that?! Silly me going to Toys R Us . . .
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Last weekend my parents, Becky (my other mom), Jim (her husband), my mom's friend Mary (who is also part of the adopted family), and I went out for dinner after Alyssa's birthday party. We went out for Mexican and since Mom's birthday was Sunday, all the older ladies decided to partake in a margarita. Becky took very "unflattering" pictures of my mom and Mary drinking their rather large margaritas (and yes, they both got quite tipsy and loud by the end of the night) and then we had a picture taken of Becky and I drinking out of her "junior" margarita. So Becky e-mailed pictures out of all of us drinking with the subject "should we be concerned?". Here's the comentary that followed because it CRACKS ME UP!!!
Concerned? We're way beyond that at this point. Mary was always such a
positive role model for poor Sandy; and now the pictures are proof she has
succumbed to the evil of drink as well. Now Becky is aiding in the
corruption of dear Christi - perhaps the only hope for all of you beside
prayers (or lighting candles in Mary's case), is the following:
Alcohol - Drug Treatment Referral 1-800-454-8966
Gordon Recovery Centers 1-800-472-9018
Jackson Recovery Centers 755-7002
Midwest Iowa Alcohol & Drug Weekend 627 - 4289
I have been told that these programs only work when you have reached rock
bottom. I am not so sure about Mary, Christi, and Becky - but there is no
doubt that Sandy hit that point a long time ago.
Just remember Sandy, with Jesus all things are possible.
Rightfully so, we should be concerned. I have worked drug rehab, and I am
fearful of the peer pressure being placed on Mary. I do believe there is
hope for Sandy. She can leave all of her alcohol at my house. Just one
personal question.....did Norm benefit from all of Sandy's drinking that
I must set the record straight.
I was not swayed by Sandy's bad example. I made a decision long ago not to
follow her down the ugly path she has chosen.
But you see--
How can I explain? What can I say?
I guess the truth is best.
It was concern--concern for my dear friend Becky--your beloved sister,
Becky, that drove me to drink on Saturday night.
You see, Jim, your beloved sister's husband, was so preoccupied by what he
saw at the birthday party--that knock-out blonde's purple _____.
Becky smiled bravely, but I knew how distraught she must be. She drank, I
think, to dull the pain. When Becky asked me to have a drink too, I just
couldn't say no.
As for our dear friend Sandy--do you think it may be time for the inevitable
Ahhh, I love these people!
PS ~ It was a purple THONG that got Jim's attention, for anyone who was wondering.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Wednesday, Alyssa's actual birthday ~ She woke up briefly around 7 right before her daddy took off for work, so we both sang "Happy Birthday" to her and then she fell back to sleep. She and I went out for breakfast to "Le Peep" with Grandma K. She got a unicorn and rainbow balloon from grandad that she loved and a smiley face pancake, which was a huge hit. After breakfast we stopped by Target and got some Robeez knock off cupcake shoes (BIO monkey see - monkey do!) for her. Then to see Dr K for her 1 year well check. She's 19 lbs 14.5 oz (gained 11 lbs 11 oz in a year!) and 29 inches (grew 8 inches). She had 3 shots, but was laughing by the time we got to the parking lot. Its amazing what a grape flavored tongue depressor and some appt. cards can do to cheer up the kid. We had chicken and fettichini alfredo for her birthday dinner and then Julia, Eric, Angie, and Chad came over for birthday cupcakes.
Yesterday was her big birthday party, which went really well. She loved all the attention and was the perfect hostess. There were presents galore ~ tons of adorable clothes and some really fun toys. All the big boys seemed to like the cell phone and fuzzy book the best. And by big boys I mean those from age 28 - 55 ish. I was really happy with the way that her cookie monster and cookie cakes turned out (I'm glad I got "pressured" into making her cakes because it was really fun) and I thought the house looked really nice all decorated up. We had 15 guests, so it was a fun group, not too big, not too small ~ but we did miss Christy and Evan and we hope that Evan is feeling MUCH better.
Then Alyssa's party happened. And I felt so tense. She made little comments here and there to people that I overheard and I couldn't help but feel like they were derogatory towards me. I've been trying really hard not to immediately look for the negative implication of everything she says like I had in the past lately, but it was really hard yesterday. I don't know if it was because I had so many other things on my mind or if she was just being more vicious yesterday. She seemed so closed off. She really didn't touch/interact with Alyssa more than a minute or two all day, didn't say anything about the decorations or anything to me, and kind of stood off to the side the whole time. I don't know if she felt uncomfortable because of all the other people around or if she was just mad. They left without saying goodbye to me; but I suppose that's my fault. I should have stopped talking/saying goodbye/thanking other people and made a point to go over and give them a hug and thank them. I felt like we took 3 giant steps back yesterday in our relationship. She was really excited about getting this rocking chair for Alyssa, but I guess I said that she wasn't old enough for it or didn't seem enthusiastic enough about it, so she didn't get it for her.
And then . . . here comes my HUGE self esteem issues . . . she was having such a great time talking with my brother in law's girlfriend. The girlfriend that is blonde and about 100 lbs ~ just like my mother in law. And so then all these "I wonder how many times she's disgusted by me because I'm overweight" type thoughts pop up and I start feeling really awful about myself. And then I get upset because I've lost almost 50 lbs and she's never said a thing.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
I had no idea that I could love someone this much. I had no idea that someone could bring me such incredible joy and happiness. That one look could make me feel like the most important person in the world (and on the flip side, one tear could make me feel like the world's most horrible person). It’s been a rollercoaster ride, but I’m glad to have experienced it with you and I look forward to next years of surprises, ups, and downs.
You are so brave. I was really worried that you would be a timid child because I was really shy when I was younger. I didn't like spending time with people I didn't know well, I was nervous to take on challenges when I wasn't sure what the outcome would be, and I was happier being shown/led than figuring things out on my own. You, my baby girl, are the exact opposite! You seem to have no fear. You face challenges head on, you are curious, determined, stubborn, and you never given up. You don't let failure hold you back; you try again until you succeed. I hope you always hold onto that, and know that I will always be there to be your cheerleader.
You make me laugh. You love "finding" Joey hidden under the bed. You think she's hiding because she's playing with you ~ little do you know, she's hiding because she's terrified of you. She'll growl and yelp as you get closer to inching your way under the bed, but you will just squeal with delight and keep it up. Hearing you giggle is my favorite sound in the whole world. You get this mischievous little look on your face when you do something you know you're not supposed to and it takes every bit of my willpower not to totally melt because you are so darn cute. Last night Daddy went to toss you up onto his shoulders (one of your favorite places to be) and you threw up on his head. I couldn't help but laugh at that, too, and amazingly, even Daddy found the humor in the situation. He's come a long way from a guy that was totally grossed out by spit up or feeding you sweet potatoes when you got too messy.
Happy Birthday Peanut. Wishing you happiness always ~ happiness like the kind that you've given to me.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I had lunch with my mom at Golden Palace (Chicken Chow Mein) ~ Yum!
Mom and I went to Target.
I "registered" via phone with one of the nurses at the hospital since I was going to be induced the next night (Alyssa had other plans).
I went to Mark and Janna's to pick up hand me downs from Camdyn for the baby.
I made meatloaf for Adam for dinner ~ the first time I ever made meatloaf for him because I don't like it ~ as a "thanks for being such a supportive husband during my pregnancy" present.
I went 30 minutes on the elliptical machine while Adam talked to his Aunt Nancy on the phone ~ once hearing what I was doing, she predicted that I would go into labor that night.
My water broke at 11:15 PM. It feels like it was just yesterday!
Thanks for the idea/craving, Angie! ;)
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Friday, October 07, 2005
My DIO group did amazing things for me. They opened my eyes to so many different opinions on every aspect of life, not just labor/delivery/raising a child. I feel a huge part of the world was opened up to me because of these women. Even though I've kind of gone in "waves" of how actively I participated in our Due In board and our Born In board, not a day goes by where I don't think about them, their babies, and what's going on in their lives. Its amazing to me how connected I feel with these women that I only know via a computer screen. I know them by a screen name, maybe a real name/nickname, a picture, an attitude, a child, ect. Its such a different kind of relationship than I have with anyone else in my life. I think they are what keeps me going as a SAHM. I always worried about not having an "outside" life. Not being around other adults and being stuck with a baby all day long, but its just not true for me. I do have an outside life. I have stories of my friends to tell Adam when he comes home from work.
A few of them Adam knows by name, so I can say "so and so said this" or "so and so's daughter/son did this", but otherwise I bet you hear "one of the mom's on my board said/did . . . " at least 10 times a day around our house. They are all constantly on my mind.
This week has been a really dark week around the born in October board. There has been a lot of struggling going on and I wish more than ever I could reach out and hug these women. I wish I could tell them in person that it was going to be okay, than we're here for them, and let them know how much they and their babies are cared about.
Its so weird feeling like these people you've never met are such a huge part of your lives, but I really don't know what I would do without them. For all the laughs and tears and drama and comfort . . . I appreciate them more than I could ever explain.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
So, I'm the one that went to college, own a house, have a solid spouse with a good job, have two nice cars . . . several people from my home town have commented that I am my Dad's "success story" after all the turmoil that Mark and Joni put him through. (My mom takes credit for it since M&J have a different mom). And I have a feeling that my Dad would be crushed if I asked him for money. So, I'm the "good" kid, but I get screwed over? It just doesn't seem fair.
Part of me wonders if the reason that Dad gives so much money without thought to my siblings is that he feels like he owes them something for not being around much when they were growing up since he and their mom were divorced. My Dad was really involved with my life when I was growing up and I would take that over money any day, but I wonder if he feels like he has to make it up to them somehow and if this is his way. Like he has to "earn" their love. Because its my dad handing out money left and right most of the time and not my mom.
I'm proud that we are stable enough that we don't have to borrow money from parents, but sometimes I wish I didn't have to live up to such high expectations.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Today I was giving her goldfish crackers and got up to let the dogs in. I looked back at the coffee table to see her unrolling the bag, reaching in, and helping herself to crackers. Just like a regular person!
Then this afternoon I was vacuuming and when I got "too close" to her she would put her hands over her ears.
HOW DOES SHE FIGURE THIS STUFF OUT?!?!?! It absolutely freakin' amazes me.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I wasn't going to watch Martha's Apprentice. I figured it was just another way for her to make even more money and I've never really been that fond of her. I think she does amazing things, but it all seems a bit much. Honestly, am I ever going to make monogrammed bath towels for each houseguest I ever have? Anyway . . . tonight I watched the show because frankly there was nothing else on TV. I have to admit it ~ I actually ENJOYED it. I think I might become hooked. It was really interesting watching her from a business stand point and not a "make everything in your life obnoxiously fancy" point. Not that I wouldn't love to have everything in my life obnoxiously fancy, I just don't have that much energy, time, or money. I'm impressed that she uses her time in jail as something that she has learned from and that makes her a stronger person. Its not a "woe is me I was screwed over I shouldn't have gone to jail" thing and that really surprised me.
Then I watched the premier of Nanny 911. I love that show. It makes me long for my days as a nanny, although thankfully the G/D family was MUCH more calm than most of those families. They drove me crazy sometimes, but they were great kids and good parents deep down. * note to self, I really, really, really need to call them since the kids haven't met Alyssa yet* Anyway, if I would have been the mom in tonight’s episode I think I would have left my husband. The kids were doing something and she warned them to stop doing it because they were going to get hurt/break another leg/something along those lines. The Dad stood at the top of the stairs chanting, "Do it! Do it! Do it!". I couldn't believe how he just totally blew off the mom because the most important thing to him was having fun with his kids at any cost. Of course, he came around by the end of the show and realized how important safety is, but seriously I don't know how that woman lived with a partner who didn't stand up for her at all. I can't imagine living like that. I would have run for the hills!
Me: Yes, I'd liked to cancel service
Trash Person: Okay, we can do that. Can I ask why?
Me: We decided to go with another company that was cheaper.
TP: Did you know that we do price match?
Me: No, I didn't.
TP: Okay, so when do you want your last day to be?
What?! No attempt to keep my business? What kind of joke is that? I feel better going with the new company because they are a small mom/pop kind of company and are super nice instead of the huge impersonal company we currently use, but I would have liked to have been "fought over" a little.
I'm listening to the radio this afternoon while feeding Alyssa lunch and I hear this commercial asking if you've ever had herpes. If you haven't, you can sign up to have some medical group test the herpes vaccine on you. Does that mean that you want me to basically sign up to be given herpes (and probably not "the fun" way that you would get herpes) that I may or may not get depending on if this shot works? That just seems wrong to me. But anything for a buck, right?
Funny Alyssa action of the day: I was getting something out of the pantry and she grabbed a bottle of "Bitter Spray" that we use on the dogs (mostly for when Lexi is attempting to trample someone who is trying to walk in the door). She lets out this crazy yell and starts crawling like a crazy baby after Lexi carrying the spray along with her. I don't know if I've ever seen Lexi look so spooked. Maybe after "the balloon monster" incident. ;) Its a close call.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Yesterday mom and I went over to my cousin's house to visit his family (and to unload my exersaucer, jumperoo, and a couple other big baby toys ~ ahhhh, the house feels bigger already). Carson, who's 5, sat down next to me, scooted closer and whispered "Do you want one of my pictures?" and handed me one of his flag football photos. Too cute! Jay's kids are really shy around Mom and I since we only see them a couple times a year ~ even though we only live about 15 minutes apart. Maybe he remembers that I shared Alyssa's grilled cheese with him at Applebees a few months ago when his sister wouldn't share hers. Or that I gave him my pickle ~ that's the way to a kid's heart . . . give 'em a pickle. Anyway, it warmed my heart that he wanted me to have one of his pictures.
Lately I've been watching Adam and Alyssa interact with each other and I'm so thankful for such a wonderful husband and a wonderful daughter. I love seeing the way her face bursts into a smile as soon as she sees Adam. And I love the way that he cuddles her and tickles her. I love that they love each other so much. I love that I love them both so much. I don't know what I would do without them.
And I want to give an emotional shout-out to my friend Angie aka the one I'm having an affair with. Who recognizes how difficult it is for me to ask for help (even for something as silly as birthday invitations) and is proud of me for asking. Who understands my craziness because, heck, let's face it ~ she's kinda crazy too! ;) I don't know what I would do without you, lady, and I love you bunches. Let's hear it for getting drunk and bonding at Holiday Parties!!!
Friday, September 23, 2005
Okay, now on to something I hate. We have a radio station in town that when I was growing up would start playing Christmas music 24/7 the day after Thanksgiving. I thought it was the greatest thing because I LOVE Christmas and I LOVE Christmas music. I admit that from time to time I'll pull out a Christmas CD in the middle of the summer and play it just to get my fix. Last year, said radio station started playing Christmas music the day after Halloween, which I thought was a bit much. Let us get through Thanksgiving and then you can start up with the festivities, but I love Christmas music, so I didn't think about it too much. Today, September 23rd (the SECOND day of fall) I'm driving home from the mall, flipping channels and would you believe that I heard "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" coming out of my speakers. Come ON people, you have GOT to be kidding me! Freakin' September 23rd! Lord have mercy on those poor parents who have to explain to their kids that they still have about 100 shopping days until Christmas. Why does all the Christmas hub bub have to start so early?! Is a month not long enough? I've always been able to do all my decorating, celebrating, shopping, ect for the Christmas season in a month and have not felt supremely rushed. What's next, start it up the day after Valentine's Day?!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
*sigh* I'm not ready for this attitude.
Now she just slammed the door shut to her bedroom. She's going straight from baby to moody teenager before my eyes!
Last night/this morning I got up with Alyssa around 3:30. I got her back to sleep pretty quickly and then went back to bed myself, but I felt like something wasn't quite right. Then I realized it ~ I was wearing shorts. I'm strictly a t-shirt and underwear for sleeping kind of girl and as I laid there in my shorts I COULD NOT FALL ASLEEP! I tossed and turned for a long time, then decided to take off the shorts and BAM out like a light.
Please oh please don't let my OCD be passed on to Alyssa or any future children.