Tuesday, December 27, 2005

It STILL bothers me!

I just can't seem to let this one go.

Last Friday I took Alyssa over to Adam's parents to have lunch with his mom, grandma, and uncle. I realized that I hadn't offered to bring anything over on Christmas Day, so I asked if there was anything that I could bring. Here's our conversation . . .

Me: Is there anything I can bring on Sunday? I should have offered sooner, but it kind of snuck up on me.
Mil: *scoffs* Christi, when are you seriously going to have time to make something with your parents coming tomorrow and you going over to your cousins'?
Me: Well, I'm making chex mix and a cheese ball to take to Mark and Janna's, maybe I'll just bring leftovers over and I do have tons of cookies and stuff to bring.
Grandma: Oh, I haven't had a cheeseball in forever, that sounds really good.
Mil: I made chex mix so don't bring that.

So, Sunday morning I get up and reform and re-crumb my cheeseball so that it looks brand new (not much of it was eaten on Saturday) and put together a plate of a majority of the cookies and treats that I had made. I took over crackers to have with the cheeseball and everything.

After we opened presents everyone was complaining about being hungry, but we kept being told we would eat in an hour to an hour and a half. Fil, Alyssa, and I were in the kitchen and I mentioned to him that I brought a cheeseball. He got really excited and said that he loved cheeseballs, so I got it out of the fridge for him, but then he said he should wait. (Fearing the wrath of mil, no doubt, for eating something that she didn't pre-approve). I thought if she wouldn't let me make anything for the meal, maybe I could at least bring something that people could snack on. And I never did see this chex mix that SUPPOSEDLY she had already made. So, I felt kind of sad that no one was going to eat my cheeseball, but I figured that maybe she forgot about it because of all the other things she had on her mind. But I certainly didn't want to bring it up because I'm kind of scared of my mil.

Then comes time for dessert and she serves her pumpkin pie and her pecan pie, but my cookies just sit on the counter sealed and unopened.

I seriously wanted to cry the entire way home. I felt like such a loser and a failure. I was making an effort to be part of the family. You don't make guests bring food, but family SHOULD bring something. If I go to my parents for a holiday I take something (or usually make something there). We went through this whole "I want us to be closer and really feel like family" thing and then I just feel like I was slapped in the face because she just ignored my effort. I wouldn't have cared if no one ate anything, at least I would have been given a chance. I guess Chris did eat one of my cookies as soon as we got there. I didn't plan on leaving the entire plate there. I actually had some cookies that I made that I didn't get to try because I took them all over to their house. But I didn't feel like I could just walk out with an untouched plate of cookies either.

And I left the cheeseball there because I took it primarily because Grandma said it sounded really good and then fil got excited about it. I hope they at least noticed that it was there.

I know its dumb. I shouldn't feel so bad about something so trivial, but its really eating at me.

1 comment:

S said...

I would be upset too... I also struggle with "fitting in" with my in-laws. I think surprising them with their daughter this year for Christmas went a long way, but still along way to go.

(hope you don't mind me reading your blog-I really enjoy it, but if you would prefer I did not-I understand)