I feel sick . . .

At 9:24 PM this evening we got a call from a solicitor. I was kind of snotty and told her that it was 9:30 at night asked if she was aware of that. She replied that it was 9:24 and she still had 5 minutes because they could call until 9:30. Is that true? I know some states have 8PM cutoffs, but I'm not sure about Nebraska. I thought it was 9. It should be no later than 9, IMO. Heck, I don't even call people after 9 unless its really important. I told her not to call back. Anyone who calls after Alyssa is asleep and risks waking her up is immediately on my poo list.

I went to the video store on Wednesday and picked up "Crash" (because I heart hottie Brendan!), "Fever Pitch", and the first disc of the first season of "Lost". Adam actually wanted to see all 3. I was so excited as we watched the first episode of "Lost" thinking that it would become a "couple" thing for us, much like our "24" addiction. I was super disappointed to come home from Jazzercise yesterday to find out that he had continued without me. Now its turned from "us" time into a "who can watch the episodes the fastest" competition. That makes me sad. (And I feel dumb telling him, so he'll find out by reading my blog)

And the thing I feel the most sick about is my pampered chef party next weekend. I invited a friend/ex-girlfriend of Adam's. They were living together when Adam and I met, but because I felt really uncomfortable, he basically dropped her out of his life after we got married. It was a really hard situation for me because I had really close friends that would point out to me how important Adam was to her, how much she cared about him, the fact that she was his first love and it made me feel really threatened. Not that I was really afraid of losing him, just that I felt like by her having these feelings she didn't respect my relationship with him. I feel really uncomfortable about Adam going out with a girl, any girl, for a meal, etc. I feel uncomfortable being one on one with a guy. Even my "muffin men" who are totally like brothers to me . . . I always feel a little bit weird when I'm around them now that I'm an old married woman. I know, it sounds crazy, but its just how I feel. I know it was selfish and immature of me and I wish I could take it all back. I wish that we could all be friends, but I know that that will probably never happen. So, I invited her to my pampered chef party. I told Adam in a joking manner that I was going to invite her to boost my numbers, but it was actually my way of trying to reach out to her. I thought it would be a neutral thing ~ who doesn't like a pampered chef party? ~ a way for me to make the first step. It was hard for me because I'm really embarrassed and ashamed of how I acted. I'm still not crazy about the idea of them being alone together, and I wish it would be the kind of situation where we could all hang out together, eat pizza, and play games or something, but I doubt it will ever come to that. Adam told me that she was really confused as to why she was invited and now I've been stressing over inviting her. I don't regret inviting her, but I don't want her to feel like I did it just because I wanted her to come and buy things. It was in a sense my "white flag". I thought it might be an easy way to start over, but then Adam pointed out that my "neutral" get together was going to be filled with MY friends and MY family and why would she feel comfortable in that situation. I didn't think about that. I just didn't know how else to work towards "fixing" things. I want to fix things. I regret making Adam feel like he had to choose me or her. I wish I could go back . . .