Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Ahhhhh . . . Joni makes me feel like the freakin' Mother Theresa of motherhood. Its a good thing.
I feel bad admitting this, but I'm really kind of glad that she stood us up. I didn't remember she was coming until 12:30 and its been such an "off" day. Maybe its because yesterday was a holiday, but I feel like I've been frantically trying to play catch up all day. Blech!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
I found out yesterday that my friend Stephanie went in for her regular 25 week check up on Friday and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They did an ultrasound and based on the baby's measurements, it had stopped growing 3 weeks before. She had no idea. She hadn't been cramping, bleeding, none of the usual "there's something wrong" signs. Supposedly she was going to be induced yesterday, but I haven't heard any updates yet. Steph's a very strong Christian, so I guess she has a positive attitude believing that God has a plan for everything. I'm a Christian, too, but damn, if that happened to me I don't think I could think that rationally.
This was her 4th child and she seemed really laid back about the whole pregnancy. They told most of their family and friends when she was right around 13 weeks pregnant. After she told me she was pregnant she followed it up by "I guess I better set up my first appointment, huh?" Then I talked to her about a week and a half ago and she hadn't set up her appointment for her "BIG" ultrasound yet. I wonder if on some level her body knew that things weren't going to go right and it was trying to protect her by not letting her get too attached/involved. Or maybe by the time you have 4 kids you just know all the ups and downs and its not that exciting anymore. I hope I never feel that way. I hope every pregnancy is just as magnificent and spectacular and exciting (and heck, even scary, because that's part of the process) as my first.
Friday, May 26, 2006
"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection
Excellence, I can reach for
perfection is God's business"
This really hit me hard because I've struggled with putting unreasonable and unrealistic expectations on myself for a long time so that I could be perfect. Its a hard habit to break, especially when you can't really bring yourself to comprehend that its okay not to be perfect. The world is not going to fall apart if I'm not perfect. My friends will not leave me if I'm not perfect. Adam won't abandon me if I'm not perfect. Alyssa will not be taken away from me if I'm not perfect. I know it in my head, but my heart doesn't listen so good. But, I've been thinking today, that excellence isn't such a bad thing to work towards. Almost as good as perfection ~ just without so much pressure.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
It was the place where:
Adam and I came home to find all of our wedding present heaped onto our bed when we arrived home at 11 PM at night after honeymooning for a week and fighting our way through airports for 12+ hours. The culprits that delivered our presents thought it would be a happy thing to come home to. I just wanted my blankety blank bed primed and ready for me to crash.
Jen and I played many a game of "scoopy ball".
We expanded our family the first time by bringing a rolly-polly little ball of fur home that we eventually named Jocelyn Pooh Bear.
I spent a weekend when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant carefully painting a mural for my unborn baby to create the perfect "hundred acre woods" themed nursery.
We brought Alyssa home from the hospital.
We learned to be a family in that house.
It was K-Rock Marketing's HQ for its one and only client.
Anna and Brandy spent several nights with their super cool Aunt Christi and Uncle Adam.
Multiple 4th of July parties complete block-wide firework show.
Multiple parties where I plain old had too much to drink ~ and we have pictures of me handcuffed to Chris Leffler to prove it.
6 weeks after we were married I was forced to be a responsible wife ~ scared me more than I've ever been scared in life, I think, but it also really cemented my relationship with Adam.
I spent my last night as a single woman in that house.
I achieved my dream of having live Christmas trees. Now if only the damn lights around the front window would have stayed up, I would have been ectastic.
We bought our first car as a couple/family home to that house (and my first brand new car ever)
We fostered half a dozen dogs . . . our little part to the doggie community. And we should have adopted our first foster dog. Kipper James ~ we loved you!
I've always thought that its not the building that makes a place a home ~ it the people inside that make it a home. I don't think that's true anymore. Our Bauman house will always have a special place in my heart. It will always be home. And I hope that the next people that live there treat it well and have as many great (and not so great, but still powerful and life changing) memories as we do.
The following items best match your score:
- System: Socialism, Authoritarianism
- Variation: Moderate Socialism, Moderate Authoritarianism
- Ideologies: Social Democratism, Social Republicanism
- US Parties: No match.
- Presidents: Jimmy Carter (79.15%)
- 2004 Election Candidates: John Kerry (76.10%), Ralph Nader (72.67%), George W. Bush (60.16%)
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
"I'm on the side of the interstate with a flat tire and the tow truck won't be here for an hour and its hot and I've got a headache and I think I'm going to be sick" pouring through the phone.
I have to give my man props, though, he didn't even hesitate after hearing my craziness. He simply asked me where I was and assured me he would be there in a snap. And snappy he was . . . I've never been so glad to see that red alero in my life ~ he's a good man, my handsome hubby. I think I'll keep him.
Today for example, I had an appointment with the DMV. At the DMV AND a toddler approaching naptime . . . normally a deadly combination.
I had to get my plates renewed and I had lost the little post card thing that they send out in the mail during the move, so I was fully expecting them to give me a hard time about that. She didn't even bat an eye when I explained that I had lost it and I was well on my way with new stickers in about 2 minutes. The best part . . . I thought it was going to be over $600, but it was only $300 and some. Still insanely expensive, but better than the $1600 we paid last year.
Then I stopped at the drivers license counter to get a new license. Always a risky move, but considering I hated my last DL picture, I figured it couldn't be too bad. And I was pleasantly surprised that I actually got a halfway decent picture even though I felt like a complete moron sitting the chair waiting for the picture lady to snap my picture. I was sure that I looked like I had just swallowed a bug or something, but its actually an ok picture. Not that I'll be flashing it around a lot, so you'll have to take my word for it.
This morning I was changing Alyssa after I got her up and I noticed that she was staring at my chest with great concentration. As I sat her up after being changed she reached towards my shirt and said, very proudly, "Daddeeeee!" I was wearing a Sesame Street tank top. The "Daddeeee" she was refering to . . . Bert. I think it might have been the unibrow that closed the deal for her. lol
Adam ~ did you read it anyway?
Friday, May 19, 2006
Right after we got there I was holding Lenka and doing the "Bumblebee" game wiht Alyssa. I buzzed Alyssa and then buzzed Lenka. Then Alyssa did it and buzzed Lenka's little toes . . . it was too stinkin' cute! I totally realized right then and there what an amazing big sister she would make. She has such a huge heart and she's really one of the sweetest kids I know. Even though she's only 19 months old she really seems to be able to express empathy and thoughtfulness (unless you happen to have 4 legs . . . then it kind of depends on the day). I think she has the potential to be a loving, patient, protective, and understanding big sister and who am I to not give her that?
Baby #2 has been a hot topic for discussion and contemplation around our house over the past few weeks. For as long as I can remember I've wanted 3 (maybe 4) kids and I've never thought twice about that plan. Until it comes time for baby #2. In essance, I am an only child. I have a half brother and half sister, but we've never let that "half" word be an issue with us. I honestly believe that Mark and Joni see me as as much of a sibling as they do each other (truth be told, I think Mark probably likes me better than Joni, but that's another story). But when you get down to it, once our dad passes away, a huge link in our relationship disappears. They'll have their own familes and their mom, but I don't really belong there. Once my mom is gone, I'll be alone. I'll have Adam and Alyssa and any other kids we decide to have, but in a sense I will be alone and I never want to do that to Alyssa. I want her to always have family to turn to and to support and love no matter what. But I'm scared. We have a good routine, her and I. We are each other's entire world pretty much and what happens when we add a third to the mix? Will she feel betrayed? Will she understand that adding another family member means more love for her instead of having to share and compete for Adam and my affections? I'm scare of losing time with her. Of forcing her to rely more on Adam and less on me because I'll have someone else to take care of. I know that once we bring another child into the family things will never be the same. And I know in my head that things will be better that it will be a good step and the right step, but in my heart I can't imagine changing things. It hurts to think about her having to share me and me having to divide myself between two little blessings.
Lately I've started feeling fearful of getting pregnant with twins . . . I won't even go there . . . that's another entry for another day.
|Your Inner Child Is Scared|
Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.
You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!
New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.
Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
But I think the girl has started figuring out that if she lets me read to her in her rocking chair she can squeeze a few extra minutes out of me before I'll make her go to bed. Tonight she sat still for 5 ~ count 'em 5 ~ books. As soon as I would finish one she would squirm down to pick out a new one. She even let me read my favorite of her books "Olivia" (Thanks Jeff and Megan!!!!), which she normally won't sit all the way through because its kind of long.
How does her little peanut brain figure these things out?! She cracks me up with all the "grown up knowledge" that is popping out daily. Watch out world . . . she's going to keep us on our toes!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
To the person who decided that it was socially (and trendily) acceptable to wear Bermuda shorts and not look as ridiculous as a 60 year old man wearing sandals and black socks up to his knees. I will never claim to be trendy or fashionable, but I am loving the fact that I can wear these long shorts and not have to worry about a) looking stupid and b) feeling completely self conscious of my thighs/knees c) having to pull down the crotch of my shorts because it keeps riding up. It seems like I am just not a short-shorts/Daisy Dukes kind of build. Shocker! I NEVER thought I would wear Bermuda shorts, but they actually aren’t bad and I think they are actually flattering on me since the only part of my legs that I like are my calves. Sign me up for an Old Navy commercial, baby! I’m a convert! (For the record I did NOT buy my shorts from Old Navy . . . I’m still nursing the hurt of having to go about 4 sizes bigger than normal to wear Old Navy pants. Jerks)
Monday, May 15, 2006
I don't know what to do.
My instinct says to wake her up, but its really nice having her sleep so that I can do things. I'm sure if I do wake her up she'll be pretty clingy and that will be the end of my productive evening.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Special shout out to my own mom, who doesn't read my blog, but is the best mom a girl could ask for. We had our ups and downs during some of those wonderful "teenage year", but in the end she has turned out to be one of my best friends and biggest fans. I really hope that Alyssa and I have a similar relationship some day.
Special shout out to the new mom, Angie, who has already had to face many challenges in less than a week, but is proving what we all knew . . . she's going to be a FANTASTIC mom and Lenka is one very lucky girl.
Special shout out to Paula without whom I don't know if I can handle this mommy stuff. Thank you for always listening, always giving great advice, always sharing, and always being ready with a catty comment when I need it. ;)
Special shout out to Christy ~ my wonderful friend who has had heaps of mommy-ness dumped on her in the past year. I am so greatful that our kids will be raised together and we'll be able to be there for each other each step of the way. Evan, Charlie, and "as yet unnamed" are so very lucky to have you in their lives.
Have a great day ladies!
Friday, May 12, 2006
1 Season 3 of Gilmore girls DVD
1 working DVD player
1 sleeping baby
2 dogs locked away in bedroom
Equals . . .
A wonderful (and very tipsy) evening!
Too bad Adam isn't around to enjoy this with me.
Boomer should be proud that I polished off the bottle of Moscato (I don't think I'm spelling that right) myself. I thought about calling him, but decided to keep the good stuff to myself. Tee hee!
Monday, May 08, 2006
MISS LENKA JOHANNAH DWIGHT!!!
Alyssa has a new god-sister or something like that (we haven't quite figured out the relationship yet) . . . the long awaited Baby D has finally arrived, so congrats to Eric and Angie! (Although Angie looked so stinkin' good after delivery either a) she actually had the baby early this afternoon and took a shower, did her hair, ect before they allowed company or b) I'll have to re-evalutate whether I can be friends with her or not). :) As we all predicted, those two make a darn cute baby!
I have to say, I'm proud of myself for holding it together when we went to visit them tonight. This morning I called Angie as she was en route to the hospital and I started blubbering like a fool LIKE A FOOL! Much like the "had to leave the table at Olive Garden to compose myself in the bathroom after they announced they were having a baby" cry fest. Although part of that was relief that I wasn't losing one of my closest friends to the sin and smog of LA. I'm such a sap!