I remember from my pregnancy I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders when we first saw Alyssa's heartbeat at my 8 week appointment. Then the weight was lifted a little more when we first heard her heartbeat at 10 weeks. Then I hit the 13 week mark (end of the first trimester) and the weight was pretty much gone. I didn't feel like I had to frantically check for signs of spotting anymore, I didn't have to stop and overanalyze every twinge and twitch in my stomach; I felt confident that this kid was here for good.
I found out yesterday that my friend Stephanie went in for her regular 25 week check up on Friday and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They did an ultrasound and based on the baby's measurements, it had stopped growing 3 weeks before. She had no idea. She hadn't been cramping, bleeding, none of the usual "there's something wrong" signs. Supposedly she was going to be induced yesterday, but I haven't heard any updates yet. Steph's a very strong Christian, so I guess she has a positive attitude believing that God has a plan for everything. I'm a Christian, too, but damn, if that happened to me I don't think I could think that rationally.
This was her 4th child and she seemed really laid back about the whole pregnancy. They told most of their family and friends when she was right around 13 weeks pregnant. After she told me she was pregnant she followed it up by "I guess I better set up my first appointment, huh?" Then I talked to her about a week and a half ago and she hadn't set up her appointment for her "BIG" ultrasound yet. I wonder if on some level her body knew that things weren't going to go right and it was trying to protect her by not letting her get too attached/involved. Or maybe by the time you have 4 kids you just know all the ups and downs and its not that exciting anymore. I hope I never feel that way. I hope every pregnancy is just as magnificent and spectacular and exciting (and heck, even scary, because that's part of the process) as my first.
5 comments:
I am so sorry for your friend and her loss.
Wow, that is so incredibly sad. Stories like this of course make me want to sit and make sure I'm feeling movement and constantly have some sort of reassurance somehow, though there really isn't any. I hope she's okay.
And it gets sadder when you hear she has footprints and had even named he/she. :(
Lurker here! I've been reading for a while, hope you don't mind...
This, though, is prompting me to post. Many hugs and prayers for your friend. I have a friend who lost her baby at about 30 weeks. It was- and still is, really- absolutely devastating.
To touch on your friend's reaction to her pregnancy...I can say that by your 3rd, you really don't have time to pay attention as you did with your first, and everything that was an utter miracle with your first turns more 'normal'. And to top it off...she might have been using the blase attitude for self-preservation against bad reactions. I am still trying to get over the shock of the horribly negative comments I get from nearly every single person I meet when they find out I'm pregnant with my 3rd. When they think its my 1st, they're excited. I personally have stopped bringing it up or talking about it just because of that.
Anyway. I hope your friend and her family are doing ok.
psumommy: I'm so sad that you get "horribly negative comments" about being pregnant with your third. I can't believe that! If it's any help...
CONGRATULATIONS!
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