How I make myself feel like a better mom

Hint #1 ~ call sister and say "Tell me the story again of how you used a permanent marker to write the number for poison control on the front of your fridge because you had to call it so often when Anna was a toddler".

Ahhhhh . . . Joni makes me feel like the freakin' Mother Theresa of motherhood. Its a good thing.

She's late! She's late! For a very important date . . .

My theatre director from college was supposed to come visit us today. She was supposed to be here at 1:30. Its now 2:36 and no word from her. She was actually supposed to come last Wednesday, but had to go have some tests redone at her doctor's office. Since she's over an hour late is it okay to lock the doors, pretend I'm not home, and go take a nap?

I feel bad admitting this, but I'm really kind of glad that she stood us up. I didn't remember she was coming until 12:30 and its been such an "off" day. Maybe its because yesterday was a holiday, but I feel like I've been frantically trying to play catch up all day. Blech!

No such thing as a sure thing

I remember from my pregnancy I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders when we first saw Alyssa's heartbeat at my 8 week appointment. Then the weight was lifted a little more when we first heard her heartbeat at 10 weeks. Then I hit the 13 week mark (end of the first trimester) and the weight was pretty much gone. I didn't feel like I had to frantically check for signs of spotting anymore, I didn't have to stop and overanalyze every twinge and twitch in my stomach; I felt confident that this kid was here for good.

I found out yesterday that my friend Stephanie went in for her regular 25 week check up on Friday and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They did an ultrasound and based on the baby's measurements, it had stopped growing 3 weeks before. She had no idea. She hadn't been cramping, bleeding, none of the usual "there's something wrong" signs. Supposedly she was going to be induced yesterday, but I haven't heard any updates yet. Steph's a very strong Christian, so I guess she has a positive attitude believing that God has a plan for everything. I'm a Christian, too, but damn, if that happened to me I don't think I could think that rationally.

This was her 4th child and she seemed really laid back about the whole pregnancy. They told most of their family and friends when she was right around 13 weeks pregnant. After she told me she was pregnant she followed it up by "I guess I better set up my first appointment, huh?" Then I talked to her about a week and a half ago and she hadn't set up her appointment for her "BIG" ultrasound yet. I wonder if on some level her body knew that things weren't going to go right and it was trying to protect her by not letting her get too attached/involved. Or maybe by the time you have 4 kids you just know all the ups and downs and its not that exciting anymore. I hope I never feel that way. I hope every pregnancy is just as magnificent and spectacular and exciting (and heck, even scary, because that's part of the process) as my first.

Inspiration

My mom forwarded me an e-mail today (no big change there . . . she's starting to get a little bit predictable with the forwards and a wee bit annoying). It was filled with different "awe-inspiring" pictures and motivational quotes, but one of the quotes today really got to me. It was by Michael J Fox ~ who I greatly admire anyway because of all he has done for Parkingson's Disease research and the way that he has worked to tell the world about the challenges of PD. He is one of my all time heros. Anyway, the quote was:

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection
Excellence, I can reach for
perfection is God's business"

This really hit me hard because I've struggled with putting unreasonable and unrealistic expectations on myself for a long time so that I could be perfect. Its a hard habit to break, especially when you can't really bring yourself to comprehend that its okay not to be perfect. The world is not going to fall apart if I'm not perfect. My friends will not leave me if I'm not perfect. Adam won't abandon me if I'm not perfect. Alyssa will not be taken away from me if I'm not perfect. I know it in my head, but my heart doesn't listen so good. But, I've been thinking today, that excellence isn't such a bad thing to work towards. Almost as good as perfection ~ just without so much pressure.

Its Official

11275 Bauman Ave it not "ours" anymore. It belongs to the realtor community now. Thank you to our own "green house" for all the memories.

It was the place where:

Adam and I came home to find all of our wedding present heaped onto our bed when we arrived home at 11 PM at night after honeymooning for a week and fighting our way through airports for 12+ hours. The culprits that delivered our presents thought it would be a happy thing to come home to. I just wanted my blankety blank bed primed and ready for me to crash.

Jen and I played many a game of "scoopy ball".

We expanded our family the first time by bringing a rolly-polly little ball of fur home that we eventually named Jocelyn Pooh Bear.

I spent a weekend when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant carefully painting a mural for my unborn baby to create the perfect "hundred acre woods" themed nursery.

We brought Alyssa home from the hospital.

We learned to be a family in that house.

It was K-Rock Marketing's HQ for its one and only client.

Anna and Brandy spent several nights with their super cool Aunt Christi and Uncle Adam.

Multiple 4th of July parties complete block-wide firework show.

Multiple parties where I plain old had too much to drink ~ and we have pictures of me handcuffed to Chris Leffler to prove it.

6 weeks after we were married I was forced to be a responsible wife ~ scared me more than I've ever been scared in life, I think, but it also really cemented my relationship with Adam.

I spent my last night as a single woman in that house.

I achieved my dream of having live Christmas trees. Now if only the damn lights around the front window would have stayed up, I would have been ectastic.

We bought our first car as a couple/family home to that house (and my first brand new car ever)

We fostered half a dozen dogs . . . our little part to the doggie community. And we should have adopted our first foster dog. Kipper James ~ we loved you!

I've always thought that its not the building that makes a place a home ~ it the people inside that make it a home. I don't think that's true anymore. Our Bauman house will always have a special place in my heart. It will always be home. And I hope that the next people that live there treat it well and have as many great (and not so great, but still powerful and life changing) memories as we do.

Moral Politics

Copied from Shawnie and Leslie who stole it originally from Alex. Whew!

Your scored 0 on the Moral Order axis and 2.5 on the Moral Rules axis.

Matches

The following items best match your score:

1. System: Socialism, Authoritarianism
2. Variation: Moderate Socialism, Moderate Authoritarianism
3. Ideologies: Social Democratism, Social Republicanism
4. US Parties: No match.
5. Presidents: Jimmy Carter (79.15%)
6. 2004 Election Candidates: John Kerry (76.10%), Ralph Nader (72.67%), George W. Bush (60.16%)

Since I don't have a match under US Parties, does that mean I should move to another country? I think I took a quiz once that said I belonged in Dublin . . . wonder what housing prices are in Dublin . . .

My knight in a shiny red alero

Monday afternoon I was driving back from my parents (in my mom's big, bad granny-mo-van) when I blew a tire on the interstate. It wasn't nearly as traumatic as I thought it would be. I had previously had visions of blowing a tire on the interstate and swirving uncontrollably in and out of traffic, but the only way I really knew for sure that the tire was a goner was by pulling over to the side of the road and getting out to check. My first instinct was to call Adam because he has our AAA number/card, but I couldn't get ahold of him, so I got the exciting experience of going the "on-star route". I did finally track Adam down at home and I'm sure I sounded furious as I screamed "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! YOU'RE AT HOME!!!?!?!?!?!?" into the phone (it was 2:30 on a Monday . . . go figure!). He probably expected me to give him a hard time about playing hooky for the day, but instead he got a big dose of wife freak-out . . . semi-hysterical
"I'm on the side of the interstate with a flat tire and the tow truck won't be here for an hour and its hot and I've got a headache and I think I'm going to be sick" pouring through the phone.

I have to give my man props, though, he didn't even hesitate after hearing my craziness. He simply asked me where I was and assured me he would be there in a snap. And snappy he was . . . I've never been so glad to see that red alero in my life ~ he's a good man, my handsome hubby. I think I'll keep him.

Its the little things in life

Its the little things in life that make me the happiest sometimes.

Today for example, I had an appointment with the DMV. At the DMV AND a toddler approaching naptime . . . normally a deadly combination.

I had to get my plates renewed and I had lost the little post card thing that they send out in the mail during the move, so I was fully expecting them to give me a hard time about that. She didn't even bat an eye when I explained that I had lost it and I was well on my way with new stickers in about 2 minutes. The best part . . . I thought it was going to be over $600, but it was only $300 and some. Still insanely expensive, but better than the $1600 we paid last year.

Then I stopped at the drivers license counter to get a new license. Always a risky move, but considering I hated my last DL picture, I figured it couldn't be too bad. And I was pleasantly surprised that I actually got a halfway decent picture even though I felt like a complete moron sitting the chair waiting for the picture lady to snap my picture. I was sure that I looked like I had just swallowed a bug or something, but its actually an ok picture. Not that I'll be flashing it around a lot, so you'll have to take my word for it.

Another dose of cuteness from Alyssa

Adam ~ don't read this . . . you probably won't appreciate it. ;)

This morning I was changing Alyssa after I got her up and I noticed that she was staring at my chest with great concentration. As I sat her up after being changed she reached towards my shirt and said, very proudly, "Daddeeeee!" I was wearing a Sesame Street tank top. The "Daddeeee" she was refering to . . . Bert. I think it might have been the unibrow that closed the deal for her. lol

Adam ~ did you read it anyway?

Happy Birthday Boomer!

A big birthday shoutout to my bud Boomer ~ who celebrates his final "20-something" birthday today!!! Boomer, consider this your IOU for a piece of birthday cheesecake from the cheesecake factory this fall! ;) Have a great day!

Babies and Babies

Alyssa and I took a field trip this afternoon to see Angie and Lenka. Look at how cute our two girls are together! They are totally going to be BFF!


Right after we got there I was holding Lenka and doing the "Bumblebee" game wiht Alyssa. I buzzed Alyssa and then buzzed Lenka. Then Alyssa did it and buzzed Lenka's little toes . . . it was too stinkin' cute! I totally realized right then and there what an amazing big sister she would make. She has such a huge heart and she's really one of the sweetest kids I know. Even though she's only 19 months old she really seems to be able to express empathy and thoughtfulness (unless you happen to have 4 legs . . . then it kind of depends on the day). I think she has the potential to be a loving, patient, protective, and understanding big sister and who am I to not give her that?

Baby #2 has been a hot topic for discussion and contemplation around our house over the past few weeks. For as long as I can remember I've wanted 3 (maybe 4) kids and I've never thought twice about that plan. Until it comes time for baby #2. In essance, I am an only child. I have a half brother and half sister, but we've never let that "half" word be an issue with us. I honestly believe that Mark and Joni see me as as much of a sibling as they do each other (truth be told, I think Mark probably likes me better than Joni, but that's another story). But when you get down to it, once our dad passes away, a huge link in our relationship disappears. They'll have their own familes and their mom, but I don't really belong there. Once my mom is gone, I'll be alone. I'll have Adam and Alyssa and any other kids we decide to have, but in a sense I will be alone and I never want to do that to Alyssa. I want her to always have family to turn to and to support and love no matter what. But I'm scared. We have a good routine, her and I. We are each other's entire world pretty much and what happens when we add a third to the mix? Will she feel betrayed? Will she understand that adding another family member means more love for her instead of having to share and compete for Adam and my affections? I'm scare of losing time with her. Of forcing her to rely more on Adam and less on me because I'll have someone else to take care of. I know that once we bring another child into the family things will never be the same. And I know in my head that things will be better that it will be a good step and the right step, but in my heart I can't imagine changing things. It hurts to think about her having to share me and me having to divide myself between two little blessings.

Lately I've started feeling fearful of getting pregnant with twins . . . I won't even go there . . . that's another entry for another day.

My inner child . . .

Borrowed this from Leslie

Your Inner Child Is Scared

Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences. You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary! New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with. Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.

How Is Your Inner Child?

She didn't think she was a scared inner child, either. I do enjoy being comfortable and I would prefer the tried and true, but I don't think I shy away from new places and experiences. Maybe I need to get to know my inner child more ~ maybe I should set up a play date. :)

Super Dad to the rescue

some of you know that my cell phone has been "broken" since late October. (I dropped it and the inside screen broke, so I can't see what I'm doing and its a craps shoot to try to use my phone book to call anyone). We've tried calling Verizon several times to see if we could sweet talk (or hard ball ~ as well as Adam and I can play hard ball) them into giving us new phones. Adam's phone stopped working right about a month ago after what we think was a swimming date between the cell phone and the dog's water bowl ~ you can thank your hostess, Alyssa, folks. So, earlier this week we attempted to call Verizon to tell them we wanted to cancel our plan in hopes that they would drop to their knees and beg us to stay with them and offer all sorts of impressive deals. It didn't work that way. So today I called my dad to see if I could get an appointment this weekend with a friend of his that fixes Verizon phones. Bad news was that Samsung (the brand that my phone is) won't sell him electronic pieces. They'll sell him the outside case or the inside case, but no screens. I would have to send it in and who knows how much that would be or how long it would take. So, Dad told me that he was going to call Verizon after lunch and see what he could do about getting me a new phone. He actually sounded like he expected them to just say "Yes sir, Norm, we'll be overnighting those new phones to your daughter immediately". Of course, they pretty much laughed at him when he called, but it was really sweet/cute that my Dad still wants to take care of me.

Girlfriend knows how to work it

For as long as I can remember, I've been a bookworm. Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are of my Dad reading me stories before bed. When my mom would take me shopping when I was younger, she would drop me off in the bookstore and I would happily sit on the floor in the back reading for hours. Heck, I still would do that. I guess the shop 'til you drop gene must skip a generation because I swear Alyssa could outshop me. Anyway . . . I couldn't wait to have a child that I could cuddle up and read with before bedtime. Up until the past week or so, our bedtime reading routine is me reading about 2 pages before Alyssa runs another lap around me and tosses a new book at me without stopping. She might pause slightly to glance at the pages, but as soon as I would get going in a book she would rip it out of my hands and give me a new one. The other night at about 10 PM I actually sat in her rocking chair reading "The Very Hungry Caterpiller" to myself and she was sitting on the floor across the room thumbing through her "Baby Faces" book. That's about as close to bedtime reading bonding we got.

But I think the girl has started figuring out that if she lets me read to her in her rocking chair she can squeeze a few extra minutes out of me before I'll make her go to bed. Tonight she sat still for 5 ~ count 'em 5 ~ books. As soon as I would finish one she would squirm down to pick out a new one. She even let me read my favorite of her books "Olivia" (Thanks Jeff and Megan!!!!), which she normally won't sit all the way through because its kind of long.

How does her little peanut brain figure these things out?! She cracks me up with all the "grown up knowledge" that is popping out daily. Watch out world . . . she's going to keep us on our toes!

A thank you shout out

To the person who decided that it was socially (and trendily) acceptable to wear Bermuda shorts and not look as ridiculous as a 60 year old man wearing sandals and black socks up to his knees. I will never claim to be trendy or fashionable, but I am loving the fact that I can wear these long shorts and not have to worry about a) looking stupid and b) feeling completely self conscious of my thighs/knees c) having to pull down the crotch of my shorts because it keeps riding up. It seems like I am just not a short-shorts/Daisy Dukes kind of build. Shocker! I NEVER thought I would wear Bermuda shorts, but they actually aren’t bad and I think they are actually flattering on me since the only part of my legs that I like are my calves. Sign me up for an Old Navy commercial, baby! I’m a convert! (For the record I did NOT buy my shorts from Old Navy . . . I’m still nursing the hurt of having to go about 4 sizes bigger than normal to wear Old Navy pants. Jerks)

Hey! Where's my paycheck?!

According to this website www.mom.salary.com I should be making $152,172 per year. That doesn't factor in "dog detail", so that would bump it up a little, I would think. Damn, I need to talk to someone about getting a raise!

I'm so torn

Its 7:03 PM and my child is napping. I put her down twice today for an afternoon nap and I don't think she ever really slept. She started "hollering" at me after about 30 minutes and I kept hearing her jabbering over the baby monitor, so I really don't think she was power napping. I got home from cleaning the old house about 5:15 and she was a bear, so I decided to put her down for a quick nap. I put in my time on the elliptical machine, got some dinner, caught up on my mommy boards and now I don't know if I should try to get her to sleep through the night with a bedtime of 5:30 or if I should wake her up to put her back to bed in an hour. She has had a nasty cold for the past few days, so I know she needs her sleep. But I don't really want to be up at the crack of dawn (or until midnight, either, for that matter).

I don't know what to do.

My instinct says to wake her up, but its really nice having her sleep so that I can do things. I'm sure if I do wake her up she'll be pretty clingy and that will be the end of my productive evening.

Happy Mom's Day . . .

to all the moms out there, but especially the ones that read my blog that are a constant inspiration and support system to me.

Special shout out to my own mom, who doesn't read my blog, but is the best mom a girl could ask for. We had our ups and downs during some of those wonderful "teenage year", but in the end she has turned out to be one of my best friends and biggest fans. I really hope that Alyssa and I have a similar relationship some day.

Special shout out to the new mom, Angie, who has already had to face many challenges in less than a week, but is proving what we all knew . . . she's going to be a FANTASTIC mom and Lenka is one very lucky girl.

Special shout out to Paula without whom I don't know if I can handle this mommy stuff. Thank you for always listening, always giving great advice, always sharing, and always being ready with a catty comment when I need it. ;)

Special shout out to Christy ~ my wonderful friend who has had heaps of mommy-ness dumped on her in the past year. I am so greatful that our kids will be raised together and we'll be able to be there for each other each step of the way. Evan, Charlie, and "as yet unnamed" are so very lucky to have you in their lives.

Have a great day ladies!

Evolution of Dance

My best friend from college sent me this link today. Its kinda a long video, but worth every second!

Dance

I miss the 80s!

Tipsy

So, I just wrote my first drunken/tipsy e-mail ever. Congrats to Christy who will be the lucky receipiant of my ramblings, btw. I was spell checking my e-mail and it wanted to change Alyssa to "balsa". For some reason I found that REALLY funny tonight. Drunken blogging. Drunken e-mailing. I need to go to bed. But its probably my last chance to drink for a loooonnnng time, so I had to live it up right. That'll teach Adam to leave me alone at night.

My kind of math

1 bottle of Moscato
1 Season 3 of Gilmore girls DVD
1 working DVD player
1 sleeping baby
2 dogs locked away in bedroom

Equals . . .


A wonderful (and very tipsy) evening!

Too bad Adam isn't around to enjoy this with me.

Boomer should be proud that I polished off the bottle of Moscato (I don't think I'm spelling that right) myself. I thought about calling him, but decided to keep the good stuff to myself. Tee hee!

In honor of "Update your damned blog day" . . .

I'd like to say

WELCOME TO THE WORLD
MISS LENKA JOHANNAH DWIGHT!!!

Alyssa has a new god-sister or something like that (we haven't quite figured out the relationship yet) . . . the long awaited Baby D has finally arrived, so congrats to Eric and Angie! (Although Angie looked so stinkin' good after delivery either a) she actually had the baby early this afternoon and took a shower, did her hair, ect before they allowed company or b) I'll have to re-evalutate whether I can be friends with her or not). :) As we all predicted, those two make a darn cute baby!

I have to say, I'm proud of myself for holding it together when we went to visit them tonight. This morning I called Angie as she was en route to the hospital and I started blubbering like a fool LIKE A FOOL! Much like the "had to leave the table at Olive Garden to compose myself in the bathroom after they announced they were having a baby" cry fest. Although part of that was relief that I wasn't losing one of my closest friends to the sin and smog of LA. I'm such a sap!

The "EWWWWWWWWWWWWW" Factor

Its every parent's bathtime nightmare . . . UFOs ~ unidentified floating objects. And then when you identify those floating objects as poop . . . ewwwwwww. And then when you identify the grapes that your child ate for lunch. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

I'm ME again!

I went out to get the mail today (always a fun thing when a birthday is approaching!) and found two cards for me in the mailbox. One from my friend Kim and one from my parents. My mom had addressed my card to Christi Nelsen (my maiden name). My first thought was "how long have I been married, Mom?" (answer is a little over 3 years). But then I realized that it made me feel really warm and fuzzy inside to be referred to as a Nelsen again. It was really hard for me to change my last name when I got married. It just doesn't seem to belong to me, even still. Its Adam's name and his parents and brothers names and Alyssa's name, but just not really mine. As much as I love the flowing "K" sound of my first and last name now, there's just something about seeing my old name in print that really made my day. I'm such a sap! :)