So, Adam had an interview today with a company near Boston. He doesn't think it went very well, but he's awfully hard on himself sometimes, so I don't know whether to "believe" him or not. Last week I had started thinking that we were just meant to stay here and not move East ~ had even started looking at houses/builders/school districts around here and then this interview just kind of fell out of the sky and I'm very torn about the whole moving halfway across the country idea.
From a strictly selfish/me-focused standpoint I started thinking about how after my parents pass away I won't really have anyone. True, I have Joni and Mark, but this is one of those times when the true meaning of "half brother and half sister" rears its ugly head. Once Dad dies, they have each other, but I don't really have anything. So, why not move . . . its not like I have tons of family around here. But then I started thinking about my mom. She's lost both her parents, her sister, and her brother and basically I am her family. Can I really just take that away from her? It seems awfully selfish. I know she would want me to do whatever would make me happy and chase after my dream, but after everything that she's done for me, I feel like I would almost be slapping her in the face. And my dad's health isn't that great. I have a feeling that if his health continues to fail that I would never forgive myself for not being here for both of them and for taking his grandchild(ren) away from him. And I've always wanted a big family ~ extended family included. I love the thought of aunts, uncles, cousins celebrating together and here we have that. We have Adam's family, and my extended family all within an hour of us. Out East we have my cousin and his family in Boston, Adam's extended family (6 people) in PA, so its not nearly the same.
If we stay here I have a feeling we'll have a much more "materially satisfying" life. And since both of us are quite materialistic, that's a huge factor. If we stay here I have a feeling we'll be able to afford a better house, spend money on vacations, save for college/retirement, have a pool, not worry about eating out, ect. If we lived out East I think there would be a lot more pressure for me to have part time work or we would be living paycheck to paycheck with not much opportunity to put money into savings.
Adam has an amazing job right now. He works for one of the best companies in the US. Its steady with amazing benefits. He will never find another job like it. He doesn't seem to be having much like finding/qualifying for the jobs that he's looking for. If something ain't broke, don't fix it, right?
My midwives are here. Alyssa's pediatrician is here (although that may or maynot be an important thing as I was disappointed at her last appointment). Adam and my "crazy" doctors are here. not to mention friends . . . friends that I love the thought of raising our children to gether.
I feel like the logical and right decision is to stay here. I don't want to live 18 - 20 hours away from my family, my home, and everything that I've ever known.
Yet my heart reaches out for the East coast. For the ocean and the mountains and the history . . . it calls to me. But maybe its just destined to be a lifelong crush.
1 comment:
You know I would love to have you back east. I am already in the boston area for half the week, and it is only a couple of hours away (90 minutes to the outskirts).
But I do know how hard it is to leave where you grew up. Hence the reason why I moved back here myself. I could have totally stayed in Omaha, it is a great city and I have lots of friends there. But my family is here, and I don't know if I would be in seminary if I stayed in Omaha.
I completely understand the situation you are in.
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