Birthdays in this day and age ...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how different birthdays and birthday parties are from when I was younger.

It all started when I was unloading Alyssa and Joel from the car to go to our little buddy Sammy's birthday party. Alyssa innocently asked, "What birthday is Sammy having?" and I assumed that she was asking how old he was turning. I told her that he was turning two years old and she replied, "No, I mean ... puppies or monkeys or Fancy Nancy or Hannah Montana ... ". It didn't help that just that week we had been looking through a birthday party catalog and she had planned out every birthday party for both her and Joel for the next 7 years - she had themes on the mind. So it really got me to thinking how she doesn't know birthday parties that don't have a theme. Not horrible in the grand scheme of what some kids her age think of when they think of birthday parties.

Then a couple weeks ago I was getting an adjustment from my chiropractor before we went another kid birthday party and Dr. C asked me if the party was "anywhere fun" when I finished telling him our plans for the rest of the weekend. I immediately replied, "No, just at his house", which I didn't think twice about until Dr. C responded with a dejected "Oh." Like its not a "real" party in this day and age unless you GO somewhere.

And the final icing on the birthday cake (ha) has come with the planning off Alyssa's bff Sophie's birthday. I started feeling uneasy when her mom told me that about 20 kids were invited ... about 5 that Sophie really knows, the rest are her parents co-worker's kids. Kids that she probably saw last year at her birthday party and has probably been to their parties, but not necessarily kids that she would care whether they were there or not. I just kept thinking "quality not quantity". It was held at a local cake decorating place. Which the kids did all have fun eating icing and getting to decorate a mini-two tiered cake that they got to take home - I will say that. But I came home feeling really sad. Sophie sat a table with her mom's co-workers kids. And the ones that probably mattered the most - Alyssa, her parents good friends little boy, and another little girl from the neighborhood that she plays with frequently - were stuck at a table way in the back. Alyssa probably got about 2 minutes of "face time" with Sophie the entire time we were there. And most of that was when Alyssa was called up to present her present to Sophie. She got to stand there while Sophie opened it, the woman who owned the place announced what it was, then Alyssa was quickly shoo-ed back to her seat. It reminded me of Ralphie getting kicked down the "Santa slide" during "A Christmas Story". I don't think Alyssa or Sophie probably thought anything of it, but it made me sad that the party felt so structured and "sterile". And Sophie's parents just sat off to the side and watched. I would totally want to be involved with my kids' parties. I would want to be the one helping them open their presents, not some woman who had never met them before. I feel like the main reason for a birthday party is to get together with the people who love you and to celebrate. Hang out, let the kids play, have a good time, go with the flow ... which is not what I witnessed yesterday.

Last night we were talking about the day and Alyssa told me that when she turns 5 she wants a Hannah Montana party. But then she said something that warmed my heart and made me feel like maybe there's hope for me to raise a "good" kid, who doesn't come to expect all the frill and hubbub ... "but I just want to stay home for my party, Mommy". No problem.