Tonight at Target I was glancing down the picture frame aisle as I walked past it and I saw something that made my heart stop. Or rather, I should say, I saw someone. Had this happened 4 months ago I was have happily ran down the aisle and greeted her with a huge hug and a smile. Tonight my first instinct was to run.
Four months ago I considered this person one of my best friends. And then she disappeared. I found out several weeks after she "disappeared" that she had left her husband and moved to her own apartment. I was floored. Thinking that she just couldn't find a way to tell me the news, especially considering I was the matron of honor at their wedding, I e-mailed her to let her know that I knew hoping that would break the ice. I heard nothing. I e-mailed her to let her know that I wanted to support her in whatever way she needed; I just wasn't sure what she needed and asked her to reply even if it was just to tell me that she needed space. Nothing. On a whim about a month ago I called and asked her out to coffee/lunch. I was shocked when she answered her phone and even more shocked when she agreed. She told me that she would call me later in the week to decide on a time/place. I heard nothing. I called and texted her asking if we were still on. Nothing.
And then tonight, there she was. I got up my courage and went over to talk to her. Ridiculous considering she knows me almost better than anyone else in the world. She kept saying that she knew that she didn't handle the situation right and she never meant to hurt me and that she just didn't know what to say to me. I told her it was okay; that I understood.
But its not and I don't. I don't understand. I was hurt. I am hurt. She didn't handle it well. She treated me like crap and treated our friendship like crap. Meaningless crap. Forgettable. Able to be discarded at a moments notice.
I never thought that would happen to us.
I think she is truly happy. And I think I'm happy for her. After all, what kind of friend would I be if I weren't? And maybe on some level I'm a little jealous because she's free to do or be whatever she wants. But I'm also really sad. Because I honestly don't think our friendship can survive this.
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