Thankful Thursday Week 3

(better a day late than not at all, right?)

Feeling it quite a bit of a funk tonight, so here's hoping this will be therapeutic for me.

1. I'm thankful for my place at my kids' school. After a PTA meeting Tuesday night where I was ambushed by multiple people with encouragement to run for PTA board (NO!), hours spent on the phone coordinating ideas for Teacher Appreciation week and a planning meeting last night where I felt like a VIP (very important parent?), I love my role as a parent volunteer. I love that I fit in with these moms, that my thoughts and ideas are respected (and appreciated) and that people look to me for leadership.
2. I'm thankful that Adam, Joel and I got to have lunch at school with our "wave of the week" Alyssa today. 2.5 ... I'm thankful I didn't spend $ on a school hot dog, the bite I did eat of Alyssa's was VERY rubbery.
3. I'm thankful for my friend Mollie who is my kindred spirit, my soul mate, the other pea in my pod, etc, etc.
4. I'm thankful that my dad is doing FABULOUSLY in his latest round of PT. And I'm just plain thankful for my dad. He is such a huge part of me. I'm very blessed to have the parents that I have.
5. I'm thankful that at my massage today instead of the normal "A 60 minute massage includes changing time, so you only actually get 45 - 50 minutes" mentality, I got a good 60+ minutes of much needed (kneaded?) mommy time. Is that what happens when you go to a professional instead of the massage therapy school?

Good to remember

In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr I wanted to share a quote that I read today that really struck a chord with me (hopefully I will "muse" further in an upcoming entry) ...

"Whatever your life's work is, do it well" Martin Luther King, Jr.

So simple, yet so powerful and something I hope I strive for each day.

Meal Planner

Thanks to my newest obsession, aka Pinterest, meal planning at the Koch house got a lot more organized and colorful this week!

I love it! Now if I could just work on the execution of said meal planning every night.

Baby steps, its still a work in progress. But its a pretty work in progress!!!

Thankful Thursday Week 2

1. I'm thankful that its Thursday! Its the end of my work week ~ hooray!!!!
2. I'm thankful for the note that came home in Alyssa's folder today that read: "I am very sad because you are not her rite now mom. Love, Alyssa". Not that I ever want to her be sad, but its nice to know that she wants me around!
3. Along the same lines, I'm thankful that my mom is one of my best friends. I often feel very sad because she is not here right now, too.
4. I'm thankful that I have great friends that are willing to pick Alyssa up from school when its 10 degrees out so that I didn't have to load up 4 boys in the van after school.
5. I'm thankful that after 11 1/2 years together I still get butterflies in my stomach and feel giggly when I see Adam walk through the door.

Round 'em up!

Today marks a big day for Joel (and for me) ~ kindergarten roundup!

I can so clearly remember going through this with Alyssa two years ago. I felt completely lost and overwhelmed, but I didn't want to show her that because I didn't want her to be nervous. So I put on my brave face and walked in clutching my handful of registration papers, but I'm sure I had that "this is my first time and I have no idea what I'm doing" look on my face. I remember I didn't know a single other person in the room. I remember looking around nervously and wondering which kids would become Alyssa's classmates, which ones would become Alyssa's friends, which ones would be the "anti-friend" and which parents would become my friends and support system as I sent my baby off to the big bad world of elementary school. :) I remember feeling hopeless as I listened to the principal, the secretary, school nurse and school counselor giving out overwhelming amounts of information about the rules and regulations of the school, their specific job and how they would interact with the kids. It was so foreign to me and so much to take in that I felt like all the information just washed over me and moved on to the row of parents behind me.

What a change 2 years can make! This year I will walk in confidently with my ONE piece of paper to register Joel (plus side of having him do preschool at the same school he will do kindergarten at, I've already filled out and signed the bajillions of forms!). I look forward to surveying the other kids and parents to look for how many familiar faces I will find. I feel excited to scope out Joel's potential new best friends and classmates! I'm even looking forward to hearing "the talk" from all the different professionals at the school because I feel like this time I might actually RETAIN the information that they give. And I might even learn something that I should have learned 2 years ago!

My sensitive boy

We took Joel to see "Toy Story 3" as his first movie in the theater. Approximately 15 minutes into the movie he started sobbing uncontrollably. He was so sad that Woody and the other friends weren't together, that Buzz was turning "bad" and that they weren't all together in Andy's room anymore. He wanted to leave immediately and looked at me with tear-filled confused eyes as to why his mommy would put him through this kind of torture. Needless to say, I convinced him to stay because I didn't want him to have a phobia of theaters for the rest of his life. But it was REALLY hard at the end of the movie to convince him that this movie-going business was a good thing when I had tears rolling down my face (seriously, did ANY mom get through Toy Story 3 without crying the first 1/2 dozen times?). I kept telling him in a overly dramatic happy voice "See?! They're all together! And that new little girl is going to love them and play with them and they're all going to live happily ever after!". * insert loud nose blowing and sniffling on my part *

Fast forward to tonight when we were watching "Wizards of Waverly Place: Who Will Be the Family Wizard" on Disney channel. Joel had been talking about this particular episode for weeks. The last couple days every time he saw a WoWP episode or the movie he would get all excited and think that he was finally going to find out out who the family wizard was going to be. Anyway, what an emotional ride the show ended up being for Joel. I think he cried at least 3 times. He was so worried that Justin, Alex and Max were going to mad at each other forever and wanted to know where they were going to live when they sold the Sub Shop. And then the waterworks really started when he was trying to find comfort in the fact that he thought they still had "hand magic" even though they had to give up their wands and then found out that ALL their magic was taken away. Poor kid. And then there is his supportive, comforting mom attempting not to snort with laughter as I looked at his crestfallen face. He's definitely going to need therapy some day.

Thankful Thursday

One of my "12 things to look forward to in 2012" talked about gratitude journals, so I'm going to try to do Thankful Thursdays where I post 5 things I'm thankful for. I just realized that if I do this every week this year (and if I'm doing my math right) I'll have over 250 things to be thankful for. That's a little overwhelming!

This week I am thankful for:

1. By far, my most thankful is having Adam home with us and amazingly 99% fine after having a "fairly significant" stroke on Friday at the age of 34.
2. Jimmy John's "Thinny Chips".
3. Vampire Diaries is back on after an 8 week break. I heart Vampires!
4. My kindle that Adam got me for Christmas.
5. 2 adorable kids that make me laugh every single day.

End of break

I'm probably in the minority, but I'm really sad that the kids' (and my) winter break is coming to an end tomorrow. Back to school they go and back come Grant and Will. I've really, really, really enjoyed having just Alyssa and Joel home for 2+ weeks. And although it was partially illness-induced that I didn't have any "bonus" kids for 2 weeks its been really nice not "working" for 2 weeks. I'm sad to see it end. (Although I will welcome back the paycheck! ;) ) I've enjoying *almost* every pjs-till-noon, hanging out, puttering around, cuddling, napping, movie/tv watching, game playing, art project making moment and I don't want it to end!!! Usually I can't wait to send them back to school so that we can get back into our "normal" routine again and back to my attempt at an organized life, but I don't even really feel that way this year. Bah humbug end of winter break!

2012 - the year of the blog.

I thought about titling this post "2012 - the year of the blog?" with a question mark, but decided on a period instead. This WILL be the year of the blog. The year that I get back to my mama musings, I've missed it! And hopefully there's still a couple people out to be my loyal readers and leave glowing comments! :)

So, starting off, 12 things that I'm looking forward to in 2012 (instead of making resolutions this year, seems a little more "in stone"). In no particular order:

1. Our second family vacation to Disney World for Joel's 5th birthday celebration! We leave a month from tomorrow!!!

2. Celebrating 10 years of marriage with Adam. Granted, we just celebrated 9 years 4 days ago, so we've got a ways to go, but I look forward to having a good, solid 10 years under our belt.

3. Seeing Alyssa's dance recital in June. She started at a new studio this year doing jazz instead of the usually tap and ballet and absolutely loves it. This studio feels more "professional" (without being TLC-reality show scary), so I'm looking forward to seeing her in a REAL recital since all her previous ones have felt like she's just jumping around/stomping her tap shoes.

4. Joel starting Kindergarten. EXTREMELY bittersweet, but I am amazed at the person he has blossomed into just being a part of the Saddlebrook's pre-k program I can't wait to see what they do with his when he's in "real" school!

5. Figuring out what I want to be when my kids "grow up". I feel confident that my time as a daycare provider is coming to and end along with having my own kids at home full time. I have a wide spectrum of possibilities in front of me and I'm looking forward to seeing what path I will be lead down. Right now I think taking up part time residence in Archivers and catching up on all my scrapbooking is in the lead. ;)

6. Keeping up with my blog! I've been reading a lot/hearing a lot about thankfulness or gratitude journals and I love the idea of them. This past Thanksgiving my mother-in-law had us all write down what we were thankful for on a piece of paper then we "locked" it in a box and she plans to have us read it next Thanksgiving. It was really thought provoking to write down all the wonderful blessings I have in my life.

7. Becoming a stronger presence in the kids' elementary school. I've pretty much decided to take over the room parent coordination job next year, which will allow me to interact with more staff and more parents. I'm excited to get even deeper into the Saddlebrook community.

8. Rediscovering my inner bookworm. Adam got me a Kindle for Christmas and I am LOVING it so far! Its strange, but I find when I'm reading books on my Kindle that its much easier for me to put it down, whereas when I'm reading an actual book I tend to get sucked in and stay up too late or ignore what I should be doing in order to hurry up and see how the book ends! Of course, I've only had the Kindle for a week, so this may change.

9. Establishing regular "family time". My goal is to start with one night per month, always the same night. I feel like the kids are getting to the point where we can more easily enjoy a family night together whether it be pizza and a movie or playing board games. Its important to me that Alyssa and Joel grow up with that sense of connection and I think they're reaching a good age to start solidifying it.

10. Becoming a more regular attendee of Stone Bridge Christian Church and getting involved through volunteering with the children's programs. I finally feel like I've found a "church home" after searching for almost 15 years, I'm looking forward to getting more established and settled and making it my "own".

11. Becoming healthier. This isn't your standard "I'm going to lose _____ lbs this year" or "I will weigh _____ pounds by the end of the year" or "I will wear a size _____" statement. Yes, I would like to lose weight, but I don't know if that will/can happen. I do know that I can be better able eating healthier (and providing healthier meals/choices for my family) and that I can be more consistent with taking my supplements, vitamins, etc. And I am going to encourage our family to get out and be more active together.

12. After losing Adam's cousin, Jana, this past summer and struggling with watching my dad's health deteriorate, I've learned to really appreciate the time that I have with the people I love. Not to say that I don't feel sad and depressed when I think about what "could have been", but I try to remind myself of what I've had that other people don't get the chance to have. And I try to be more aware of how quickly my babies won't want to cuddle with me or won't want me to read book or kiss them goodnight. I try to appreciate the small things each day. And I look forward to the small moments of love, laughter, inspiration and happiness that 2012 holds for me.

And to end this first blog post of 2012: Alyssa's New Year's Resolution: To do a cartwheel.

Note to self: Look into gymnastics camp to help Alyssa achieve her resolution. :)

Disney Day 1

Our day started bright and early with Adam and I getting up around 4:30 and the kids getting up shortly after 5. We were out the driveway by 5:15 with Alyssa and Joel still in their jammies ... and me wishing that I was still in mine. This trip marked Joel's first plane ride, but Alyssa had flown with me to Colorado in May, so she was a seasoned veteran. She took Joel under her wing, per usual, to make sure that he had a good first flight.


As soon as we stepped on the plane the flight attendants were really sweet to Alyssa and Joel and let them check out the cockpit. Then the pilot got out of his seat so that the kids could sit up front and I could take pictures. Then the co-pilot turned the microphone/speaker on and tried to get Alyssa to give a "shoutout to her Daddy in row 12", but she wasn't going for it. :)

Joel's "what do you mean I have to take my binky out for a picture" face.


I can't say enough wonderful things about the "Magical Express" transporation available to people staying at the Disney resorts. We walked up to a counter after we landed, showed them our baggage claim stub, then loaded a bus and our luggage "magically" arrived in our hotel room about 3 hours later.

We checked in at Disney's Caribbean resort and got to our room in "Jamaica", then headed off to check out the Downtown Disney area. My favorite stop was Goofy's Candy Company which housed THE. BEST. CUPCAKES. I have ever tasted in my life. I would go back just to get another one.

The kids had a lot of fun at the lego tables outside the Lego store and I was overwhelmed by the "wall 'o legos" - every color you could imagine.



The kids also loved the animated animals, especially the crocodile/alligator outside the Rainforest Cafe. We got back to our hotel room in time to enjoy our water view - both the lake and the pool - and a Floridian sunset.

Perfect fall day at the apple orchard

Last Sunday we got the pleasure of spending the morning at the apple orchard with some of our favorite people ~ the Kleffman family! Joel's favorite part was definitely the "tractor ride" (we actually rode in a wagon) that took us out to the apple trees and Alyssa said her favorite part was playing at the park/playground they had on site. But they both enjoyed picking the apples, too. I was surprised at how many apples the kids were actually able to pick because they were close to the ground. I'd only be apple picking once and I remember having to use this "basket on a stick" to pull apples down. Alyssa was all about the "baby" apples ... we brought a couple home, but I don't think they'll go very far towards our homemade applesauce!

All in all it was a great way to spend a perfect fall morning - thanks to Dee and the kids for including us this year.

Charlie, Sammy, Evan, Alyssa and Joel

Alyssa and her "baby" apple

Love

Tonight as I was curled up with Alyssa in her bed, she was rambling on about this and that, per usual. Immediately after she stated that she loved pink, I asked her if she knew what *I* loved.

She instantly rolled over to look at me with a small smile and said in a coy little voice, "Me?"

To which I replied, "Exactly".

Exactly, Alyssa. I love you.

One of my greatest hopes is that my kids always know that I love them with all my heart. That they never for a split second doubt that they are my entire world. That even when there is steam pouring out of my ears, even when I am screaming at the top of my lungs, even when I am dragging them kicking and screaming into the corner, even when I am threatening to list them on craigslist, I love them. With all that I am.

And tonight, I am reassured that at least so far, I'm not doing too bad of a job.

Twas the night before preschool ...

Even though the temperatures have been WAY below normal for the last several weeks. Even though the neighborhood kids have been in school for 3 weeks or more. Even though we haven't touched our swimming suits in more than 3 weeks and I can't remember the last time I hooked up the sprinkler, the end of summer is looming on the horizon here at our house.

I'm a little torn.

I'm excited for Alyssa to start preschool again. She's been bored to tears since all her neighborhood friends went back to school 3 weeks ago. Last year was a wonderful preschool year for her and I hope that this year will be even better. We chose to keep her in the 3 day a week class instead of moving her up to the 5 day a class - one of the tougher decisions that I've made in my 5ish years of mommyhood, but I feel like it was the right one. Its my hope that she'll break out of her shell a little since she'll be one of the older kids and take on some leadership. She'll be with the teacher that she really wanted and her friend Isabella from last year will be in her class, so I really don't worry about her.

I'm excited for Joel to start his "toddler time" class (hereafter referred to as OPPG or over-priced play group). Had I known how much he would blossom over the summer I'm not sure I would have signed him up for it, but I think in the end it'll be good for him to go. And at least half of his class is made up of boys, so it'll be good for him to be around some testosterone. When he and I went shopping for stickers for his bucket last Sunday he immediately made a beeline for the big princess castle sticker covered in pink sparkles ... not that there's anything wrong with that! He was fairly easily distracted by the Lightening McQueen and Mader stickers, though.

And I think my Wednesday mornings to myself are going to be good for me. For my sanity and for my stress level, which hopefully in turn will make me an even better mommy and wife.

I'm looking forward to having the structure and schedule that preschool insists upon for 3 days of our week. But there is a little part of me that is sad to see our carefree days of summer end. The days of going to the gym if/when the mood struck were nice. Or of staying in our jammies until the middle of the afternoon or heading off the zoo or the park on a whim. Or just sitting around and doing nothing. But that's what Tuesdays and Thursdays are for, right?

Stay tuned for first day of school pictures coming soon ... and hopefully with the start of the new school year I will mark the return of regular blogging!

Big Day

Yesterday marked a very big day at our house ... Alyssa lost her first tooth! I was totally floored even though I should have expected it on some level. She seems so young since she doesn't even turn 5 until next month. But I was 4 1/2 when I lost my first tooth and when we went to the dentist about 5 months ago they mentioned that her front teeth were a little loose and that she would be on the earlier end.

I had found these adorable "tooth fairy" pillows online a few months ago that I fell in love with. They had all sorts of "themes" like princesses, ballet, butterflies etc for girls and tractors, balls, cars, dinosaurs etc for boys and are personalized with the child's name. And have a "pocket" to put the lost tooth in. In the back of my mind I thought I would get one for Alyssa for Christmas. Whoops! :) So we were a little "unconventional" with our Tooth Fairy process. I told Alyssa that she could pick out what kind of pillow she wanted the Tooth Fairy to send her, then we would write a letter to her letting her know that she lost a tooth and asking her to send the pillow. Then I explained that she would put her tooth in the "pillow pocket" and the Tooth Fairy would take her tooth and leave her money while she was sleeping. So we wait for the pillow to arrive in the mail ~ and it buys the Tooth Fairy's local assistant some time to hit the bank for sacagawea dollars!

We had gotten home from the gym and the kids were playing while I was in the shower. Alyssa came upstairs and was absolutely hysterical. It took several tries before I realized that she was wailing "my tooth is going to fall ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut"! I figured she probably just bumped it and thought it was loose, but got out of the shower to calm her down and check. Sure enough her tooth was wobbly as all get out. I barely had to pull at all to get it to come out, all the while thinking "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh" - loose teeth give me the heebie jeebies and I was so not expecting this to happen so soon! I felt horrible that Alyssa was so upset. We hadn't really talked about losing teeth yet, so I think she thought that she had "broken" her tooth. I explained that it happens to everyone and that she'll get new, bigger teeth and that its just a sign that she's growing up. She perked up really fast when I told her about the Tooth Fairy bringing her money. :)

Interesting side note: I lost my first tooth when I was using my teeth to try to pull a mitten off in the winter. Alyssa was using her teeth to try to tighten her bike helmet strap. Like mother, like daugther. We then had a long talk about how teeth are only for chewing food/gum and not to be used as a tool.

All in all, she's pretty proud of her new "hole" and the fact that she can stick her tongue through it. I think she looks absolutely adorable, but I can wait for her new teeth to come in. I'm afraid she'll look too big then.

And again I'm reminded how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my kids. I'm so thankful that it was me that got to pull out her first tooth and be there to wipe away her tears and celebrate with her ... to be there to watch those little milestone moments first hand.

Its Official!

Free Disney Tickers


I booked our Disney trip today! We'll be staying at the Caribbean Beach resort in a waterview room near one of the pools (there are 7, I think). Our flight gets into Orlando at about 3PM the day before Alyssa's birthday, so we'll be ready to hit the Magic Kingdom bright and early on her big day, starting the day off with a character breakfast with Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore, and Piglet. The next day we'll have a character breakfast with Lilo, Stitch, Mickey and Pluto before heading back to our hotel to hang out at the pools, playgrounds, etc for the rest of the day. That night we'll go to "Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party", which I'm really excited to check out. Then we'll head to the airport the next day around noon. Short and sweet, but I think its going to be a really fantastic trip ... and so far I'm on budget!!!

Big day!

After Joel woke us up this morning by popping up next to Adam in our room, we decided that a trip to the "big bed" store would be in order this fine Sunday. So off we all went to pick out Joel's big bed. He and Daddy took the crib down and got the bed set up while Alyssa and I were at a movie and it was absolutely adorable how excited/proud was to show off his big bed when we got home. I ran out to Target and found some great deals on new bedding, then Joel and I got the bed all "dressed up" while Daddy and Alyssa were at the park.

Breaking in the bed ... 1 little monkey Joel jumping on the bed!

Ready for the big boy

Reading books

Out like a light ...

after a few excursions out to the hallway to check out what Mommy and Daddy were up to, of course! Overall it didn't go too badly - so far, but its only 9:30. :) I think it helped that he has slept in a big bed at Grandma and Poppa's with Alyssa a few times. He has been such a fantastic sleeper going down around 8PM and waking up around 8 or 8:30 AM and then taking a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. I hope his sleep habits transition into the big bed with him!

And for anyone who is wondering, I have broken down in tears several times today as I think about my big guy. Sitting here tonight it seems so weird to me that for the first time in almost 5 years there is not a crib set up somewhere in my house.

Vacation - Colorado '09

The Friday before Memorial Day Alyssa, my parents, and I flew to Colorado for my niece's high school graduation. We had a great trip. Alyssa was a fantastic traveler and enjoyed her first plane ride. She kept asking me why we were going so slow, which I realized it does kind of seem like if you don't "know" how quickly you're flying. And she had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that the "other plane" that she could see out the window was actually the wing of our plane. And it was cute how concerned she was about our suitcase when we checked it at the airport.


It was a weekend full of tension due to a couple ex-wive's and people who normally wouldn't want to be anywhere near each other. But everyone was on their best behavior for the most part and I was so glad that I could be there to see Brandy graduate. Glad and very, very proud. She has turned into such a wonderful, thoughtful and caring young lady. And I have a new reason to be thankful for my iPod - put a few cartoons/kid shows on that thing and its a great way to entertain a 4 year old while waiting for airplanes and at boring graduation ceremonies!


I also got to have coffee one morning with a friend of mine from high school that I've recently reconnected with. We had a great time catching up and it was fun to be "high school" Christi for a couple hours. He is one of the very few people in my life who doesn't know me as Adam's wife or Alyssa and Joel's mom ... I'm just Christi.


A highlight for me was that I got to take Alyssa (along with my mom and youngest niece) to "Santa's Workshop/North Pole" which is just outside of Colorado Springs nestled towards the bottom of Pikes Peak. Its a place that my parents took me when I was just a little older than Alyssa and I have fond memories of it. Alyssa had a great time riding the rides; the first time she's really be to an amusement park type place. She was nervous about seeing Santa at his house and didn't want much to do with feeding the deer, but she was very excited about riding the ferris wheel with her cousin Anna and I. I don't think she understood why I wouldn't let her wave at Grandma as she was trying to take a picture while we were at the top of the ferris wheel, though. :)


Other highlights of the trip were our visit to "Territory Days" in Old Colorado City (at least until it started pouring rain) and for Alyssa ~ jumping on the trampoline, playing airhockey, and finishing up a long day in the hot tub. Uncle Mark's house is almost like a resort!

Out of the mouths of (my) babes ...

One of Joel's newest/cutest things he'll say is "pretty please" - although it comes out "pea peas?" I'm not entirely sure where he picked it up, but he uses it without prompting (most of the time) and its absolutely adorable.

A couple weeks ago we were getting into the car after attending my goddaughter, Janika's, first birthday party. Alyssa had been eating these first birthday mints that Angie had found somewhere all afternoon and I happened to unwrap another one for her and one for Joel as we were all getting settled into the car. Then from the backseat I heard:

"You suck Joel!"

My heart skipped a beat as my head whipped around to look at Adam to see if he had heard what I had heard. And I wondered where on earth Alyssa had learned that and what Joel had done to deserve such a response. I breathed MUCH easier, though, when that line was followed by:

"Don't chew, suck!"

She was just watching out for her little brother ... making sure that he knew the ropes of proper mint eating.

Alyssa's Dance Recital

Last weekend marked the end of Alyssa's second year of dance with the spring recital. I'm still not overly impressed with the studio we have her at because I'm not seeing a lot of "technique" being learned, but she has a great time jumping around, tiptoeing, stomping, clapping, etc with her friends, so that's what matters, right?

I was so proud of her while watching her do her dances. I took all my pictures during dress rehearsal Friday night, so Saturday night for the actual performance I could just watch. I think too often I get so caught up in trying to capture moments on camera that I forget to actually watch what the kids are doing. It warmed my heart to see her up on stage, doing what she was supposed to be doing (for the most part) and just watching her face light up because she was having so much fun.

Her ballet routine was a song called "Bake Sale" that was actually "sung" by Minnie Mouse ~ lots of "this is for the bake sale, Mickey, please don't touch!" lines and the girls had a great time wagging their fingers.

Tap routine was a song called "Fiesta" and Alyssa's favorite part was that she got to count to 4 in Spanish. :) I would guess that she would say that this one was her favorite ... maybe just because tap shoes make a lot more noise than ballet slippers!

Then and Now

Alyssa on her first day of preschool

Alyssa on her last day of preschool

Maybe its just me, but I can't get over how much older she looks in the second picture. I'm a nerd to dress her the same, I know, but I love being able to compare the two!